Making Peace

The last 10 years have been very difficult for me (and my family).My father;s illness(severe complications of diabetes) has traumatised my family making each one of the affected parties more fragile.The first thing which such illness brings to any family is fear.At a very young age, I had to come to terms with painful topics such as blindness,disability and death.Every time the phone rang, I was scared to answer it.So many nights have I spent, researching medical journals for a miracle cure.My mother's worried voice,my brother's brave sacrifice has made my own journey of fear look so infinitesimally small.The psychosomatic pains which throng my body in grief have slowly vanished away.My own experiments of trying to mimic my father's disability has also reduced.Slowly we have accepted nature's way.It seems in the best interest to let go of past grief of broken lives.Some desires may never be fulfilled.Some desires may remain hidden deep within each of us.One of the biggest problems I faced with relating to these major pitfalls of life,was I never could find anyone to relate to,in my own age group.Everyone around me were merrying their new found youth and building away castles of sand on rocky beaches.I was busy searching for answers....
Why bad things happen to good people???That was one of the books I read(one of the hundreds of books I read).It was written by a Jewish Rabbi who had lost his son to a illness.I scoured through every science and philosphical book I could find, searching for answers.I made millions of comparisons with others...and found them far more luckier than me.Slowly as I travelled through the difficult phase...all comparisons stopped.My own self worth shined brightly sometimes and my depressive spells vanished completely.I do go though a "pity party" every now and then,but who can have a constant blazing positive life.I dont know whether the results can be completely tied to meditation or a spiritual yearning.May be I am ignorant of the vicissitudes of life.
But I am thankful for the journey and the wisdom which was obtained along the way...
The Zen way of saying it would be " I appreciate the beauty of the flower and the peace of the still lake"
The flowers exist not in comparison and the lake never allows any of its ripples, to destroy its stillness...

As I write this,I find within myself an emotion. which is like peace or may be acceptance.But I think this feeling, may also mean that the journey was not to find answers but to fully absorb the question itself.I am very appreciative of the human contacts that are important in my life.The many things that we would take for granted,may be the one thing which others will lack.I have come to understand the power of love and also the gift of hope.
In hope we live...In hope do we die...That one day the sun would shine .... life would reveal its mysteries..

What do I have left at the end???

You can strip me of my income and my livelihood,
You can try to make me conform to the others around me,
You can threaten to destroy my life,
You can complain about every negative trait in me,
You can hurt me in a million ways.


I will never give up searching for the truth
I will never throw my principles away...
I will never believe in inequality
Nor will I give up anything which is humane
Its not like I don't know the consequences.....
Stories of Socrates and Galileo have been a part of my education
In their legacy, I wage a battle against conformity,mediocrity and inequality !!!

The new wave of Beliefs

Most of the Indian rituals are based on a outdated code which took thousands of years to evolve and materialize.I don't deny the immense wisdom in some of the practices.Most of them are meant for an agrarian society.The plantain leaves,rice,mango leaves,cow-worship, all have stemmed up by the dependence of our ancestors on agriculture.Even now 70%(not very sure of the recent stats)of the Indian population is living in small agricultural communities.There will be no hue and cry now with regard to the religious practices.Slowly there is a great migration which is happening at the backdrop of our software based economic growth.The shift to cities is leaving out lot of the people in the cold.The rituals or beliefs(Agama) were practices introduced to sustain the societal structure.This model has already broken down in lot of areas.Growing up in a city I never felt at home with the strange rituals of Hindu Society.I channeled all my energy and my identity was formed on the basis of science and philosophy.But there are lot of people who have no interest in Indology/Archeology/Ancient history.To make them understand the importance of the mythological construct should be the main aim of education.Novels like Harry potter have gained wide acclaim because people in the western world and the affluent middle class in the developing countries have used the book it to fill the gaps in their genetic/mythological understanding of their own culture.

Many people here in America are crazy about Star Wars.It is deemed as a religion.The main reason for this inclusion would be that Americans(excluding the native Americans)don't have ancient mythological stories to relate to.
India has Ramayana and Mahabharata which gives definition to the Indian way of life.But the drift towards cities are breaking this cycle.We need new initiation ceremonies which are more ecologically feasible and also give direction to a individual.A adolescent who is confused as to the structure of the society and is restless about his/her place in the hierarchy would resort to violence.The cruel acts against humanity sometimes may be a cry for understanding the past history.

A good reference of the work on Mythology is by Devdutt Patanaik.
I had the pleasure of reading some of his books.(The Book of Ram , Myth= Mithya,7 secrets from hindu calendar art)
The site gives lot of useful material on Hindu Mythology...http://devdutt.com/

Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell are good sources of information on Mythology and how it is important to society.

All about hate

Love is everywhere...In every song I hear...In every movie I watch..
A constant search for love is the ever eternal work of many.
To look at every nook and corner ,to find a pleasant smile shining back on our lonely lives.
The deprived desert cities sing only about rivers,lakes and oceans.
Magical fountains of water flow through the emperor's garden to show his wealth that luck has bestowed upon him.
But I don't know the workings of hate....

How does hate enter into our system?
Where does this dislike expand into cruelty and violence?
Somehow all the tools of logic and reasoning don't seem to work against hate.The germ of hate is planted the moment we hear beliefs which are different than ours.The opposing principles make us into enemies.But I am fine with the hate which brews in our hearts and souls.What I fail to comprehend is how this emotion, gets translated into violent action.After the act of violence is done, is there any way that the perpetuator feels any guilt or pain.I think one of the easiest ways to deal with guilt would be to make a victim of ourselves.This process of victimizing and not taking any responsibility is the only way to commit crimes of the highest order (eg Holocaust )
In my own life I see lot of times when my perception of the person, gives rise to feelings of hate.The only way to reach a higher truth would be to transform this hate into something constructive.
Jealousy can be viewed as a oracle which tells us of things which are missing in our life.
Greed can tell us that we need to live/love unconditionally.It also helps us deal with impermanence.
Sometimes I feel all imperfections are blessings in disguise.Unless we find a way to transform and use them,they will haunt us forever.Hatred can be one of the ways where we can expand our understanding of different views .Our thinking is formed by a closed Circle which is evolved by our own comfort zone.Hate pushes us out of our comfort zone.It teaches us forgiveness...The people we hate can be reformed/may reform to someone we may cherish and this teaches us the importance of evolution of human consciousness.Emotions may never leave us as they are the complex constructs of our mind.But how we react can be easily controlled.I still struggle everyday with automatic triggers of anger and hate.Its as if every cell has a memory of its own and remembers my dislikes.The effort we put today wont give us fruits instantly.The seed is planted and when the monsoon arrives,the glorious sun may shine through.The fight for survival will begin and if I am the chosen one...leaves may spring up...and fruits may ripen...
Till then I wait for transformation to occur where my hate can be turned into love....

Ingmar Bergman

I had to dedicate a post on my blog for the great movies which Ingmar Bergman had directed.Even though I dont understand Swedish language the stories are universal and the questions are eternal.Some of his earlier movies just blew my mind away.Some movies try to give solutions to complex philosphical problems.Ingmar tries to make us understand the questions better.The seventh seal reminds me of my own set of questions which bombard me again and agian.Search for the truth and meaning of existence which the knight asks in the movie is replied only by silence.Even though death comes and defeats him in his play,he tries to save others even during his last chess game.

Art exists to make us understand that mystery and truth are the two sides of the same coin.The pain which goes in trying to expalin what our minds cannot comprehend can be transferred only through art.Beauty is not a creation of style or time,it is the product of mystery.All art forms should lead us closer to oursleves and closer to the reality which exists in us.

Idleness

Being idle is seen as the evil twin of hardwork. But I think idleness is very important in everyday life.Not only it is important in clearing out the mind,it also is one of the most efficient problem solving techniques.One of the career improvement books I have read suggest employees to stare at the (cube's) wall.This may look like absurd advice.But may be if staring at a wall can destroy our crazy pace at which things go ….
Why not try it???
If  we have reached a deadlock in our career or can make no sense of how life is taking us,Idle-ness is the only hope we have.The first sabatical I took was even when I was 17.I was disillusioned by the education system and my desire to be better than others made me contemplate tougher entrance exams.But the idle time helped me understand myself better.The next time I had the opportunity to take a break was after I completed my engineering.This period was another soul searching period where I tried to understand my own inclinations.I have not been lucky to take any more breaks from my career,but I know for sure once I reach a saturation point with my career path,I am going to be idle.
Idleness is the stepping stone to success(A promising Zen Saying)

Neuroscience and Spirituality

This short video (at TED) by the neurologist V.S Ramachandran explains the ancient philosphical models of our Indian Civilization.
What science could answer only now was contemplated thousands of years ago by Eastern philosophy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0pwKzTRG5E

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vilayanur_S._Ramachandran

The Road Already Taken

Sometimes the things we do for the first time are already done by others.Some have experimented with various outcome of the path and suffered.Some quit very early on the path.What stops us from taking the experiences of others and learning from them.The first big hurdle towards that would be ,to lose out on the inventive capacity which we may pour into the action.Secondly it has to do with our ego.Unless we do it,our way,it just does not seem right.I have a million mistakes in my life which I would have avoided,provided I took other experiences into account.Not that I face deep regret at this.I don't repent at the missed chances either.

When I fall, I remember what I did wrong.
When I just blindly listen to others, I don't understand what is it which makes everything right.

Status of Women /Rig Veda

The NEED for equality is not a western import ,but it is fundamental concept of the greatness of Ancient Indian Civilization...
This post shows the high status of women in Vedic Period(Rig Veda Timeline)
The following are the verses..which prove the above mentioned facts..


All the info has been taken from this blog
http://ssubbanna.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/10/rig-veda-position-of-women-2-2.htm
 
EDUCATION

 "A girl also should be brought up and educated with great effort and care" (Mahanirvana Tantra).
The girls were entitled to Upanayana (to receive sacred thread) and to the privilege   of studying Vedas; just as the boys. Women performed religious rites after completing their education under a Guru. They were entitled to offer sacrifices to gods. The son was not absolutely necessary for this purpose.
According to Shrauta and Grihya Sutras, women chanted mantras along with their husbands while performing rituals
 
Marriage

 Rig Veda talks of the seven steps and vows based on mutual respect, taken during marriage

A friend thou shall be, having paced these seven steps with me. Nay, having paced the seven steps, we have become friends. May I retain thy friendship, and never part from thy friendship. Let us unite together: let us propose together. Loving each other and ever radiant in each other’s company, meaning well towards each other, sharing together all enjoyments and pleasures, let us join our thoughts.
(Source: Taittiriya Ekagnikanda, I iii, 14. ; Sastri, 1918.)
 The idea of equality is expressed in the Rig Veda:

"The home has, verily, its foundation in the wife”,” The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." (Rig Veda 5, 61. 8)
Rig veda has no mention of child marriage and Sati(WIDOW burning)

Widow RE-Marraige:

Rik (x.18.8) blesses a woman at her second marriage, with progeny and prosperity in this life time::Go up, O woman, to the world of living; you stand by this one who is deceased; come! to him who grasps your hand, your second spouse (didhisu) ,you have now entered into the relation of wife to husband.
 
In Rig VEDA (X.18.9) the new husband while taking the widow as his wife says to her: let us launch a new life of valor and strength begetting male children overcoming all enemies who may assail us.
 

ATHARA VEDA(XVIII.3.4) blesses the widow to have a happy life with present husband ::O ye inviolable one ! (the widow) tread  the path of wise in front of thee and choose this man (another suitor) as thy husband. Joyfully receive him and may the two of you mount the world of happiness

To name a few of those  significant women rishis/SCHOLARS/AUTHORS OF RIG VEDA   who figure in the Rig Veda Samhitā:  Goshā Kakshivati, Lopamudra, Romasha,Sarama Devasuni , Yami Vaivasvathi , Rathir Bharadwaja  , Apala, Paulomi and others. Needlessto say they were held in high esteem  for their work to be included in the important religious text of the era. 
According to the author all the defilements in the Indian culture after the glorious vedic period was as a response to invasions from various other countries like Greece..(Alexander),Persia..Our civilization went into dark ages and so our society slowly degraded and we can see the effects even now..

Collective Guilt

The guilt trap exists at every moment of our lives.Other than this common variety of personal infliction there is also a greater societal victimization and guilt.This occurs at a collective level where the environment seems to influence us.We are programmed to believe these concepts when we were young.We carry it into our adulthood and slowly it starts playing havoc in our lives.

Being a Indian woman,,,I do carry the burden of proving myself in a male dominated world. I do feel that I do need to measure to colonial standards of life.Even though Britishers are long gone,we still live in the culture where everything imported is termed as better than our simple indigenous life.Only after I moved out of India, I could get to the bottom of these belief systems.Everyone of us carry the burden of nationality,race and gender.I call it as a burden because our minds always get polluted by some propaganda .We may be for it /or against it (in terms of the propaganda)

Everyone has a say in how our society shapes up.So the propaganda plan is great.But it fails most of the time as they aim for the ideal case which cannot be even achieved by a "Utopian" society.There is a constant guilt which creeps up in our minds when we don't reach the ideal state as told by the activists.We feel we are not doing enough.We feel we are cheating ourselves and the whole world by not measuring up to the ideal.But as history would point out,every generation had its own regrets.There will be void in each of us which cannot be filled by any societal achievement.No one else can fill that void for us.The guilt will be ever present and the sooner we accept our guilt and learn to deal with it,the better we would be.

Self Control (Speech)

Lot of the functions in our body are on auto pilot and we don’t even realize it.Most of our bodily functions like digestion and regulating body temperature happen on their own.We don’t have to instruct the body to do so.It is like a well oiled machine reacting to different stresses of life.Discipline can be related strongly to controlling the senses.But trying to voluntarily control our senses seem as a tough task.But they have lot of benefits.Gandhi had used lot of these techniques to achieve his goal of trying to find the truth.Other than spiritual benefits there are other potential gains from controlling the senses.

Controlling our speech has enormous positive results in our lives.
Think before you talk – I wish I could follow that in my life.I blurt out “yes” when I want to say “no”.I say things which I regret
laterAlso, there are issues of  being “too nice” which makes us say things which we don’t mean.When our self worth is dependent on others, we try to please others in many ways.Helping and pleasing are two totally different aspects of charity.Help does not give rise to greed, pride and guilt.Pleasing others gives rise to pride when our ego gets a boost.Also there is enormous guilt of not living up to our standards we set.Once others know that we are working so hard to gain acceptance from them,they start making unreal demands.We wont have the courage to say “no”.Instead we slip into more guilt and they get what they want.

Some ways which I think will help me deal with such situations :

1. Being more assertive about my wants.

2.  To say the truth under most circumstances no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel.

3.  To talk only when necessary and avoid doing small talk which involves gossip/rumors.The rule is to solve problems not create new ones.Trying not to “bitch” about othes unnecessarily but to  talk about others so that new lessons can be learnt from the mistakes they made.

4.  Before I blame others, I look at myself to see if I have made the same mistakes in the past.This exercise actually reduces the amount of anger and hate I develop for the person.

5.  To confront the person and let them know off their behavior in a non threatening way and find positive ways to heal myself.

6.  If the above options don’t work,then the last option would be to be silent and let it pass.Or schedule a time to discuss the issues later.

The Skill Set

Thanissaro Bhikku in his discourses writes about how we can strengthen our meditation by becoming skillful in other aspects of our life.According to him if we had excellent skills in other fields,we can pull that perfection into our meditation practice.I do know that cultivating patience,tolerance,kindness and good will towards other begins does rub on our meditation practice.Meditation is done with the help of the mind.So the same mind is used when we perform other actions too.If our mind is skilled when it does everyday actions then I am sure it reflects on the meditation too.Osho once in his discourse wrote about how some monks every month donate one object in their room.They try to renounce and try to live by with few possessions.Thansirro Bhikku and Osho hit the same point ...when they say that the outside environment can reflect back into ourselves.May be cleaning the room may help get rid of the clutter in our minds

The Shape of Suffering

Suffering is one of the most common ingredients of our desire.Even-though suffering can never be avoided in our lives,we can learn to use suffering to our benefit.The causes of suffering are mostly geared towards our need for permanence.Religious doctrine does mention the causes of suffering and sometimes gives few quick fixes.But only we ourselves through constant contemplation can find out the reasons for our suffering.To develop the required skill set to deal with suffering requires lots of patience.Trial and error process works perfectly.We can try a path ,then give it up..if it does not reduce suffering.The most important thing that I am working on is to reduce the suffering I induce on others(knowingly or unknowingly)

There are lot of books which say that when we heal the world,we heal ourselves.Many of my desires which cause suffering can be divided into two categories...
1.Primitive

2.Induced


Primitive desires are wired inside me.I cannot change them in my lifetime.I can try to reduce the extent how much they alter my outlook.Induced desires are the main culprits.The desires which were induced by society or my surroundings are not long lasting.What I desperately wanted in the past year...I detest the sight of it now.The desire gripped me,then left me.I feel prioritizing the desires would do the trick in most cases.But delaying the gratification may be the solution.

Thanissro Bhikku talks about the skills which are required to remove suffering.He says that the mind is unable to see beyond the instant gratification.The long term effects can never be seen by the mind.That is also the psychology of addicts.

Overload of Information

Lots of information enters into our mind through our sense - doors (eyes,ears).There is lot of information which is generated through our thoughts.Its not possible for us to cut away our eyes, nose and ears.Without Maya there may be no spiritual enlightenment.But this information overload makes me crazy sometimes.I performed some experiments using myself as a guinea pig :(

My conclusions are:
The enviornment always moulds us slowly.Sometimes our minds are weak and get threatened by the surrounding.Sometimes we cave in.But for the most part we can avoid the unwholesome environments.We can stay away from people who spread their negativity.If we are strong enough to fight the battle,then we can survive,if not we need rest and contemplation.With our own spiritual integrity we can reach a stage where we can take the bad experience coming in and churn out goodness.We can choose the better part in any duality.But we need to ripen to that stage.Personally I fight everyday with my fits of anger,laziness,pride and ignorance.There is a part of me which accepts my clay feet.Buddhist Meditation talks about vows which strengthen our ability to become wiser.Few vows add to our development.They help us from staying away from trouble and also make us more disciplined.

Note: This blog only caters to the topic of spirituality.My opinions may be biased and I try to write the gist of the whole experience.Most of the time I don't add any of the failures I have had on the way.Many blog readers think that I would have all the ideals (100%) as I write.These are the ideals I want to achieve and as always being a human,it is a work in progress.There are lot of fatal mistakes that I have made that I am not proud of.But the blog focuses on sharing the spiritual enquiry which can of be some gain to others.

Trying to define Culture

Ug Krishnamurti talks about how the Culture has to go exit from our lives.According to him all knowledge is interpreted on our own level.If we have crossed the seas of ignorance every action will contain wisdom in it.If we are still at the nascent stage of illusory dominance then we look at everything from that perspective.I understood culture as something which we vaguely define by ancient monuments,old tunes of classical music and conservative fashion( which is a death to self expression).But as my knowledge in anthropology and history increases I begin to understand the present better.History is the guiding light to the present moment.But culture is also not a narrow set of rituals which when not followed will lead us directly to hell.So this whole charade of trying to protect our ancient heritage by the way we dress or talk is absurd.Every human being is unique and has a desire to express their uniqueness.Some people go the other way and shock the conservatives by expressing themselves in a weird/obscene way.
But this expression is a search for respect and value.Any ritual which aims to provide spiritual peace ultimately should not be contaminated by our own doses of ignorance or fear.

Then why are these rituals which bound us and not allow us to grow as human beings still around.History can provide us with an answer.In ancient India Buddhism gained a upper hand and was the major religion for many centuries(I don't know the exact timeline)This change from Hinduism to Buddhism happened because our main stream Hindu culture had become contaminated by weird rituals and human sacrifice.The remnants of these can be still found.Sati,child marriage,ill treatment of widows,sacrifice of animals(horse sacrifice etc) were so common.They were practiced till the late 1950's.Then Sankaracharya arrived on the scene and tried to remove the evil rituals and succeeded to an extent.Hinduism began its attempt to rise to glory.But Sankaracharya actions were made as rituals themselves,which is a ironical twist to his existence.If he was alive now,he would be disappointed by how people have formed his philosophy into a cult.Vivekananda failed to built a ashram which had no idols.Every time when an ashram was built the monks found a way to keep idols and pray.His dream of having a empty room to pray was never achieved.His idols are being used as gods themselves.Buddha had to face the same fate.His teachings of questioning everything and reaching nirvana went no where.After his death he was made into a "Super God."
May be our brains are wired to imitate and find easier routes to higher consciousness.Our minds are constantly telling us that,by exactly doing what others do we can reach the goal.The quote of J Krishnamurti can help us here.He says "Truth is a pathless land ."

The new definition of culture, I feel as spiritual aspirant I should learn is that there is nothing like a fixed way to the goal.May be some traditions and rituals may grant us some peace and serenity.But without our sharp logic and reasoning blade we cannot proceed.Many of them are contaminated by the use of male dominance.Some of them urge us to use our wealth to reach divinity.
Every being is capable of attaining the highest limits.Culture which makes me weak,which somehow gives me a ego boost,which helps me bully others...will be discarded.Ug Krishnamurti meant that this kind of culture which expresses itself in various negative ways should be discarded.He also showed a higher level where we can throw away the whole plate of religion,spirituality and also other theories.I have not reached that level.I don't know whether I would be able to hold myself on my own.

Perfection

I have always aimed for perfection.It is a hard place to reach as the common definitions which are thrown around leave no room for failures.I had a rather skewed idea of how things had to be done.To me either I should become the best OR I should never try it (in the first place).That made me miss out on lot of other opportunities in my life. Only after I joined the workplace after my masters ,I started realizing the importance of “Learning curves”

There is a theory which suggests that any vocation if taken up for 10,000 hours leads to greatness.But we need the passion and creativity to start in the first place.Then when we put hours of practice into it we achieve the desired results.Each of our lives are unique and we need skills to tackle the obstacles which often come up.So trying to imitate others leads to disaster.Also we need role models who can suit our goals.We are wired to think only about rewards and success as the world appreciates only when we win.Rote learning and never acknowledging our failures also becomes a habit.That's one of the greatest differences I see between the Indian educational system and Western educational system.Many of my colleagues who had western education would boldly tell the instances they failed to deliver the results.They will be the first to announce that they "Don't Know".They see education as a process of trial and error.No wonder the western world has produced great innovators who continue to inspire and motivate others.

Perfection is a ideal which we can never reach.It is a obsession to be the best.Like Alexander we may conquer many goals but at the end,we may not have time to enjoy it.Whenever I get into this mode of trying to out perform, I think about the real important things in life.A win gives our ego a high ecstatic feeling,but like all other feelings it is transient.Trying to do the best in the present moment and keeping all our ego ambitions on our back burner will be the ideal solution.But to put this principle in practice is very difficult.My mind gets preoccupied with future and gets charged up trying to make plans to reach perfection.One of the ways which helped me immensely was to look at the bigger picture.When my mind gets obsessed with any goal...like admission into a PhD program for a Ivy league university....I remind myself how billions of people are without education.The better approach for dealing with the problem would include me being thankful for the opportunity I was given to further my education.

Reference :
How to escape perfectionism?
By Peter Bergman

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3845

The Rhythm of my footsteps

I can hear the loud music playing
I cant bear the sound of screaming people
In search of silence I have started this walk..
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps..
The birds are chirping so loudly
Insects are buzzing as the sun sets
Cars go by making a loud noise
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps...
My phone rings...
A song makes a appearance ... my mind starts humming
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps..
In vain I try to listen to some crazy desire
In vain I make all things swing my way
I give up not wanting to change anything
Suddenly I can "Listen to the sound of my footsteps"

Negative Emotions

The stink of stale food warns us that it may be poisonous.Eye catching colors in the nature contain poison which may harm us.Nature has lot of effective tools to warn us about impending danger.Everyone has negative emotions which are not distributed equally.A child is not born with a genetic defect of causing harm.Environment governs it to a large extent.Development of an individual occurs in mysterious ways.There are few psychologists who think that there is a hormonal imbalance makes a innocent person into psychopathic killer.
What role do negative emotions play in our evolution?
A violent scene witnessed by a child can make the kid into a violent person or turn him/her to protect the disadvantaged.

Negative emotions serve two goals.Firstly they portray the damage that can be caused by our uncontrollable behavior.They provide a simulation.As humans when we put ourselves in that spot we learn a lot about suffering.Secondly negative emotions when shown by others become an alert signal for us to escape.If a part of the body has been diseased we have to amputate.But that does not happen.Both these cases are not so commonly followed by people.Animals blindly follow natures cues.They don't question.They are obedient servants.Humans are blessed with a calculative and logical mind.Our preferences/ attachments and our desire to mould every situation to our own benefit puts us on the wrong side.We miss the path of growing and evolving into a strong independent person because we are so convinced that things will always go our way.

Meditation ramblings

When you are meditating lot of questions start arising.Not that they were not there before.Its likes having a endless conversation with a person who never gets tired.Lately I have come to realize that most of my meditation sessions are problem solving sessions.Its like having a one hour meeting where present problems are spoken out.The past traumas and fears take control once I am done with the present moment.Then there is the desires of having a glorious future.Underneath all these is the intention of finding the truth.

The solution does not lie in running away or sacrificing everything.The mind will create fantasies from emptiness and peace Sometimes I feel that unless we understand the problems,we can never meditate and achieve inner clarity.The root of our problems may be the same.A situation when analysed from all angles may give us enough knowledge to overcome lot of the mental barriers.Sometimes I go through phases where I cannot meditate for weeks.
"I can force myself to meditate".
That would be a possible solution... but repressing the mental defilement's can cause them to explode with greater force.Meditation should only be used for developing the inner know-how of our mind.Unless we take a leap and put efforts to grow,the practice will never reap any benefits.The practice itself moves like a sine wave.The highs of mental bliss and the lows of confusion have to be accepted without any complaints

Body Complex

Ancient cultures gave importance to the perfect body.The Olmpyics was a result of the obession with the perfect form.The Mayan’s tampered with the muscles of a newborn's forhead, to comform to the mayan standard of having a flat forehead . They also drained blood from their bodies,as a form of sacrifice.The Victorians made themselves look pale white, as being feverishly delicate was the vogue during that time.During the same period women were supposed to have body sturcture identical to men.Fastforward few hundred years and look at the streets of London,people having silicon implants to look more voluptous. So if a Victorian super model travels in time and reaches present day London, she would be deemed as a ugly women.The standards have changed.
The native tribes in all continents still follow mutilation and body worship.

When we see the present day diseases of aneorixa and bulimia,we can see the results of body imagery affecting everyday life.The illusion that there is a perfect body somewhere drives everyone to achieve that ideal.I have suffered numerous "body -complexes" due to my conditioning and also the images of the media gave rise to low self esteem.Even Cindy Crawford in an interview, told that she can never look like the "Cindy Crawford in a magazine”. Then why does the society allow morphed images or impossible body ideals to enter the main stream media?

There are various factors which propel the society to give importance
to the body and not the mind.

1.Idolatory nature of the human species.(Valid from ancient times)

2.The adoration of youth and eternal life.Hatred of old age and
death.( Valid from ancient times)

3.Economic Benefit(The advent of Advertising)

Everyone in the present day has issues concerning their body.We all feel ugly because our bodies don’t match the surgically altered bodies of the actors/actress.We may not have flawless skin or pleasing face.But irrespective of that,the natural law's rots them and us at the same time.But perfection of body is a battle with the impossible.

We may struggle hard to keep the body in perfect shape and form,but old age will come.Death will hunt us down.Our body is bound to decompose and become manure.Yoga
has become so popular in the west.One of the western companies wanted to patent yoga as their invention.What was not done in 5000 years (in India),would be done in the past 50 years due to greed.Even yoga when followed as a exercise regiment may hold some benfits,but without the spiritual component, it becomes a money making machine.

But perfection of the mind is possible.We can reach it. Our mind may have the key to the realms of the unexplored.Thanissaro Bhikkhu in his meditation lectures(http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/meditations.html) says that:
The body works on the "Laws Of Dimnishing Returns".By obsessing with our body we cannot get any answers .By working on the mind we learn to deal with inevitable scenarios like death.Old age gives rise to various fears.Hallucinations and nightmares start ruling our mind once our body starts deterioating.If we spend our youth making our minds fearless and attain a state of peace by accepting death and permancence,we are bound to have a rich life.

Practice

Spirituality is sometimes seen as a passive action.Love,joy,kindness,radiance .... are few of the words used to describe "spiritual people".These words are used to describe the results seen in a person,who has walked the path.
No way, can spiritual practice be described in these glowing terms.Spiritual practice is hard work.It involves pain of letting go.Torture of going through the inner battles.The most toughest part is, we have to do it alone.The definition of bravery gets changed overnight.Being fearless becomes very important.

It requires few of the methods we use to achieve our materialistic goals.We need time management,leadership,delegation and other management techniques to be on the path.Many techniques are learnt through our profession/interaction .I have seen people discard the worldly techniques as something inferior.Many are waiting to find techniques which are other worldly.There is this hidden feeling that somehow just because we are on the path...we are special..Our minds thinks that, there may be some other magical techniques which can make us pursue our spiritual goals.As long as the ways correspond to our principles and inner values,we can freely use them to achieve a better understanding of ourselves/true nature.

Sometimes, there is no need of staying isolated in a forest.We may never have any enlightening experience.When we stay in the world and deal with people,we are closer to enlightenment.- Eknath Easwaran

Machines never create problems which break an organization..People do that..
Six Sigma Methodology

The Renaissance Soul

The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One

http://www.amazon.com/Renaissance-Soul-Design-People-Passions/dp/0767920880

Jack of All trades..Master of none..I dont agree to this statement !!!!

Life is long(not short)..We have time to pursue all the trades we want..We can also master as many trades as we want.A human being has amazing potential.Some people are incapable of handling more than one interest/profession.Some of us thrive under different professions/interest.

As the title suggests this book is a career guide for people who are passionate about many fields.When I pursued my Engineering,I also educated myself in Art,Astronomy,Music and Literature.To me it was just normal to fulfill my never ending curiosity.A lot of my peers thought that I was weird.I spent most of my weekends in the library devouring all the classics.My free time was spent taking Music and Astronomy classes.I also spent considerable expanding my knowledge on Art.
I have never felt it was a waste of time.
My knowledge of Astronomy landed me my first job in Masters.I taught Astronomy and Physics successfully for 2 years.
My love for art landed me my first volunteering job at a hospital.
My love for music expanded my circle of friends breaking all the barriers of race.

The book suggests lot of people like Da vinci and Benjamin Franklin.Da vinci was my idol ..He was a artist and also a scientist.I used him as a sheild to protect myself from peers who opposed my unending interest in learning.To me,life was about learning and improving.Once you master something,you pick the next challenge.When you reach the peak of the mountain,you see that there are other peaks to be reached.We have to be true to ourselves.Wherever the winds of life takes us we should sway effectively in that direction.

A well rounded individual will have a thrist for life.We cannot aim for riches alone ...We aim for excellence....

Blog

Q & A

Why did I start writing this blog?
I started writing this blog in 2006 with a view of logging my own spiritual journey.I made it public,so that I can share my findings with like minded people.

What does the blog deal with?
I try to stay as honest as possible when I write a post.
Everything is divine.But I am biased towards few topics.Philosophy,Social Structure of Society ( like education and consumerism)Art,Music,Literature.

Who gets benefited from this blog?
There is no financial benefit from this blog.One of the reasons I did not monetize this blog is because it goes against the open source ideology of spiritual knowledge.This knowledge does not belong to a person.It makes no sense,if I make my blog into a personal possession.

Why don't I answer any comments?
We all evolve at different rates.I am going to respect a individuals opinion.I am not going to barge in...condemn them for not aligning to my views or I am not going to applaud them for holding the same beliefs as me.I thank everyone who comment on my blog.I do read them.

Isolation

Isolation can have great benefits on our lives.We can clean up all the mental clutter and perceive things in a new way.Its not people who bother us.But its unwholesome thoughts which creates havoc in our lives.Unwholesome thoughts make our mind crave for things which are not good for us.But we imagine that these thoughts are beneficial.We transform them into action and reap the misery.

We get a lot of information from people around us.Lot of thoughts creep into our mind through the Internet,television,bill boards etc..A lifestyle is advertised to us everyday.A introspective look into our own lives becomes necessary as we battle these cliched lifestyles that people want to sell us.Isolation is one of the ways we can become totally connected with our inner value system.Moral values are decided by the society.The theory of ethics defined by humanists.We should never take any hand- me downs from anyone or from any ideaology.I tried to do few experiments myself to see how the advertising media effects me.One major decision I took was I did not buy a T.V
For the past three years I have been living a TV free life.I made my purchases looking at advertisements.Call me gullible..(But I had lot of faith on the smiling models shown in the advertisements).Once the hypnotic gaze of Television was out of my life,I slowly started developing my own style.Netflix is a better alternative.

The second thing I wanted to erase out of my life was the constant measuring up of my life to the society standards.If I want to spend my weekend watching a series on Mayan culture and not shop,it is perfectly O.K
I dont have to go to a exotic place whenever I get a vacation.It is perfectly fine to stay at home and do nothing.(Its zen at its best)
This is isolation from the evil clutches of mediocrity.

We may try very hard to become original based on our inner likes and dislikes.But the difficult part would be to deal with people who dont understand our ways.
There is a popular Buddhist story...
The monk asks the disciples...
"What would you do when thorns prick your legs at every step you take?"
The disciples replies
I would use leather to protect my feet.
The monk agrees and says...
We cannot cover the whole world with leather so that nothing pricks us.But it easier to cover our feet with leather so that we dont get hurt.

Isolation is not accepted by the society.The world economy depends on consumerism.But by knowing more about ourselves we can prepare a mental shield to filter all the junk.

Hidden Agenda

The words are just a facade to our own illusions
If only the sun brightly followed us into the depth of our minds and our hearts
What misery do we discover which can shake our faith
What treachery do we discover that can break our ties
These agendas like shadows follows us everywhere
This wretched truth that I search.. Is it for the pursuit of fame and glory?
This seeking that I have in my heart is it to become superior to my own neighbour
The rains have flooded my memories with despair
The lightning have caused more fear
I need to pull out these weeds from my garden
Now is not the right time?My mind screams...
The rains have destroyed everything I own
In hope I wait for the torch of truth ...at the break of dawn
When all the events shine in perfect glory...
With honesty and patience I am going to pull
Every thought that has corrupted my mind
In silence, I sit now in darkness
Counting the moments which will sway me into light
From moment to moment I sail on this empty boat
Waiting to get past this horror of examining my own soul

Limitation

We all have physical limitations.We all have to grow old and suffer in the hands of nature.We all have to perish at the hands of time.The way we are proud of our own strengths,we should be aware of our limitations.

Few of them can be changed...
Some of them can never be changed.We need to realign our life so that we can live with that.

Limitation is the biggest ego buster.The moment we find out that we are limited in some way or the other our ego takes a hard knock.Some people start searching for ways to fill the void.We start developing other qualities which would make us unique.Limitation should never be seen as a curse.Once we are aware of our limitation we are humbled automatically.Accepting limitations allowed me to grow into a better human being.I started appreciating what I had, rather than crib endlessly of how life was unfair.Confessing our limitations to others builds trust in our relationships.When we confess our weakness to people we mistrust then it becomes Achilles heel.

Ambition

Do we need to give up material comforts and a career to achieve any sort of spiritual meaning in our life.
It has been romanticized so much by ancient literature.If anyone knows that you are doing meditation,then they assume that you are going to end up in the forest.I had come across a group of meditators who were ridiculing people who do a Phd.Spiritual growth is tied to the fact that we find the ultimate meaning behind our illusions.For some people doing a Phd may be a spiritual path.They may have to face lot of struggles during which,they may evolve.For some people the path would be to live in isolation.We expect that spiritual life should be a certain way.We are imposing our own belief of spiritual life on ourselves and others.The same thing applies when we follow a particular spiritual path.We expect all the spiritual people we encounter to behave exactly the way we want them to behave.Our expectations can never change the way nature works.People are not going to accomdate our beliefs.

Each path is unique and we can choose any way to attain the truth.A spiritual path may not need that we compromise everything in our life.It also does not mean that we torture ourselves with pain and suffering.It only needs a open mind and heart which can accept the way things are,without super imposing our own beliefs on it.If a individual feels that sacrifice would help in their spiritual practice,then they should do that.Spiritual lives of others/enlightened people can never become a measuring stick for our life.We can get inspired,but we cannot imitate.

Goals

The popular suggestion given by everyone is that “life is short”, so we need to hurry up.I guess that is the slogan of the instant gratification and super achievement cult which, most of the world belongs to. If we cannot do something in the next two minutes and with our action be able to achieve worldly success, then we are wasting our lives.

Most of the spiritual/personal development goals require us to invest lot of time.Our mind works on reflex.So the process we want to change are hard wired into our brain.Life is a long journey and all our goals require Patience,Persistence and Smiling :)

Kindness

People think being kind is a quality closely linked to cowardice.I belive the opposite is true.Only a person with enormous amount of inner strength can be kind to everyone.

Kindness was one of the most important things that I wanted to cultivate.There are lot of stages which are involved.We start being kind to strangers,the people we work...But to be truly kind to people we love(family/friends)is difficult initially.
Sometimes we take people for granted or we are kind to them so that they return the favors later.

Kindness does not mean we giving up our principles.
Kindness does not mean giving up our core beliefs.
Kindness does not mean not showing any reaction.

Kindness is the capacaity to see a different perspective and to imagine a new dimension to a existing individual.Inspite of the differences and the occasional debates we experience due to our inherent uniqueness,I feel being kind gives us a oppurtunity to introspect.

There is this beautiful article about kindness which I read on Helpothers.org...


"IF I had 10 more years"
By Wayne

Paul was dying of cancer. It became clear to him that it was time for him to prepare for death.

About a week before Paul died, I was visiting him one morning. I found him sitting up, propped against a mound of pillows. I sat on the edge of his bed. His bedroom had a beautiful porch with French doors that were always open to the summer sun and gentle breezes. Paul sat, silent, in the rays of the morning light.

"I wish I had ten more years, free of this illness. With those ten years, I could really live as I always wanted."

What would you do if we could give you those ten years? What would your life look like?" I finally asked.

Paul spoke easily and certainly. "I would be kind."

"I would live my life with kindness," he said. "I would be kind to children. I would teach them to be kind, too. This is all I ever really wanted to do, just to be kind, to be loving." He was quiet for a moment. "A few months ago, when I was feeling quite strong, I thought I would treat myself, so I walked into a bakery and ordered two of my favorite cookies. I told the girl behind the counter that they were my favorite, and she said she loved them, too, but that they were very expensive. When I left, I thought about it for a minute, went back and bought another cookie, and gave it to her. 'This one is for you,' I said. She was so surprised by my kindness. 'You are such a kind man,' she said. I felt absolutely wonderful. Such a small thing, such an easy thing to do. This is how I would live my life, if only I had more time."

In the face of his death, Paul saw his life. His death clarified his heart's desire: to be a kind person. Everything else fell away, and he simply saw what was precious and valuable. To be kind -- this was the most sacred thing, the most perfect and accurate offering he could make.

Cutting Through Spiritual Materilaism

Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism (Book)
By Chogam Trunga (Author)

The image on the page is not of tranquil Buddha,who showers compassion on us.A angry man in robes lifts his hand, as if he wants us to stop our deception and spiritual pride that we have cultivated.
This book is not targeted for people who are starting the spiritual journey.The audience for this book are the people who are basking in the self induced achievement of spiritual goals.
The book has lot of useful pointers on various topics.
The chapters in the book which I found interesting are:

Surrendering
The Guru
Initiation
Self Deception
The Hard Way
The Open Way
Sense of Humor
The Development of Ego

There are few other chapters which deal with theoretical Buddhism.They cover the common topics of truth,emptiness(Shunyata)and Compassion.

Responsibility

Responsibility has its own rewards.Not all works are glamorous or profitable.Some actions make us look ordinary.Actions which have to be repeated again and again ,which are boring,the rewards not visible for instant gratification.But whenever we perform a task which is part of our duty as a human/a wordly
being or a outcome of our own life purpose,there is deep joy even when
we don’t see the rewards.It just feels right to do it.May be others
may not appreciate or applaud us.No one may even notice.But doing the
action, is the greatest reward.

What we see

Similarity and differences lies in the eye of the seeker.Depending on what our mind expects, we look for specific things in others.We choose what we want to see...We try to look at how the other person is different,when we are scared of others.When there is similarity,we are filled with love.It is still a paradox,as how we blame others for what we see in them.When the bowl is impure ..even if holy water is poured in it..it turns muddy.What ever we miss in our life we search for it in others.May be trying to be self sufficient will reduce our own judgemental projection of biases.
Mirroring is one of the ways through which we fulfill our deepest desires.Psychologists say that through mirroring we can cover our deepest scars which life has given us.But to find people who mirror what we want and not take advantage of our vulnerability is very difficult.Mind is also looked upon as a mirror.
Can we be our own mirrors and give necessary affection and care for own well being?
I guess the highest love is self-love.To accept ourselves and not get scared of who we are.

Faith

Do we shed away our faith as we grow older and learn from life.On what do we have faith in the first place.Is faith a pseudo-belief we keep hanging on,as things go bad.Is it a step towards fool's paradise...Sometimes things are really bad and no amount of faith can actually make you feel better.But faith "says" things can become better.

But even to try anything new in life we need to have faith.Even the society works on faith.We have faith that the law can protect us.We have faith in the educational system.We have faith in the people who hire us.We have faith in our friends that they will support us,no matter what happens.
I guess I have faith only on life itself.Somehow I feel life has its own purpose.It has its own needs.

Like how a flower blossoms..spreading its perfume without any concern ,for anyone.There may be no one to appreciate the beauty,no one to enjoy the beautiful fragrance,no one to hold it with joy...it blooms..withers..blooms again..
Even if we don't have faith ...we fulfill the purpose.

Beyond the mind

Is it possible to go beyond the mind?
Its a very difficult to imagine how we can go beyond the mind,if mind is the device which records where we are.
Is it a metaphor for ignoring our mind?
So if enlightenment occurs does our mind record the fact that we are enlightened.Looking at the people who claim to be enlightened,most of them remember their spiritual awakening.
What if enlightenment is also an illusion.
May be the day I start believing that,I may stop writing this blog.

Powerless

The feeling of powerless-ness is the most miserable feeling we can feel in our lives.It is the price we pay of being human.But we as part of humanity are powerless over lot of the circumstances.Political/economic scenarios,wars etc..can cause us much grief even though we are not involved.

Once we realize powerlessness,we also learn how to surrender.Everyday we surrender our lives to lot of people.We place our trust on the educational system,have faith on the security provided by the nation,have faith on our family...It is very difficult to have faith on something which we are not sure of.
But is it possible to surrender our lives to any higher power???

If any higher power exists,how do we know that it is not an illusion.I guess,that's the problem ,the more philosophical/spiritual we become,everything starts looking perfect and we don't question them.The drawback is everything starts looking spiritual.There is nothing wrong in connecting spirituality to everything..But the amount of energy which is used to introspect and analyze drives us crazy.I try to see it as a war between common sense and fanaticism.Even though surrender is very important to start learning any technique,the obsession with it leads us in the wrong way.I guess the middle way is the best.

Faith

Do we shed away our faith as we grow older and learn from life.On what do we have faith in the first place.Is faith a pseudo-belief we keep hanging on,as things go bad.Is it a step towards fool's paradise...Sometimes things are really bad and no amount of faith can actually make you feel better.But faith "says" things can become better.

But even to try anything new in life we need to have faith.Even the society works on faith.We have faith that the law can protect us.We have faith in the educational system.We have faith in the people who hire us.We have faith in our friends that they will support us,no matter what happens.
I guess I have faith only on life itself.Somehow I feel life has its own purpose.It has its own needs.

Like how a flower blossoms..spreading its perfume without any concern ,for anyone.There may be no one to appreciate the beauty,no one to enjoy the beautiful fragrance,no one to hold it with joy...it blooms..withers..blooms again..
Even if we don't have faith ...we fulfill the purpose.

Courage

It takes a lot of courage to travel the path which is unfamiliar...
To reach the promised state ,where we dont compromise our principles,our beliefs and our lives is painful.The more you try to align your life towards where you want to go,the more obstacles we face chasing it.When we try our level best and then give up...we reach our goal...But the feeling we have when we achieved the goal has changed completely.The struggle, has made us wise to see through the chase.One of the things which I have started noticing recently is the drive I have behind achieving any goal.The higher the drive,the more I struggle against the odds.Drive should not be confused with hardwork/patience.Drive is a restless desire which makes us blind.We cannot associate good or bad adjectives to it..Its just there ..and it has to be burnt the hard way.
To chase and to walk the unknown path...is the only solution..and being courageous enough to give up at the right time is the only wisdom...

Spiritual companionship

As humans we need support to continue on the path.Interdependence of life makes us,form a circle of people who motivate and inspire us to go forward.The goal of spirituality is to realize the divinity in everything.To view everything from the same source.There are huge paradoxical events which arise,when you belong to a spiritual community.The first thought which hits you,is that..."You are special".
You start noticing how the world works and how un-spiritual people are.Everyone is materialistic and somehow on the opposite side of divinity.Its another ego high/trip which I guess we have to enjoy.The downfall happens right afterwards,when we are stuck to spend most of the time with the so called un-spiritual people.Differences always exist.Conformity will kill humanity.

The solution would be to get rid of the idea that we are special, because we are spiritual.To dispose ideas and make the ego take a beating is painful.

The alternative solution would be to disperse the wisdom and make them special like you.I always think the second alternative is fun.

Ideal World

Idealism is one of the driving forces of the illusions we form of the world around us.The world we create can never be segregated into black or white.There are shades of grey which always make our life difficult.Idealism is like permanent happiness...

Permanent happiness is never possible.Our childhood mostly creates fantasies of the idealistic world in our minds.We feel hurt when the practical never matches the ideal.One of the main concerns which keeps the misery going on..is that..."We demand and feel that we deserve a ideal world."
So we keep dreaming that when I achieve this or do that... the world will somehow turn into fairy land which was conceived,when we were 10 years old.
The world does not owe us anything...It does not owe us an ideal world...

Books...

Few of the books which integrate psychology and spirituality ...

1.David Richo

How to be an Adult
How to be an Adult in Relationships

2.Scott Peck

Road less travelled
Further along the Road less travelled

3.Carl Jung
All his books are valuable for anyone who wants to know how our mind works.

4.Julia Cameron

The Artist's way

This is a amazing book for anyone who wants to be creative.
All the blocked artists(me included)should consider this book as a treasure.Recently I found out that this book was used in lot of artists workshops.

Humility

I was fed up with the rat race...So I decided that I would serve at a monastery(for few days) and fill my world with peace.I waited for the D-day with lot of excitement.One of the jobs I was given was to cook.I had to prepare meals for 40 people.Preparing the meal was not difficult.But as usual I was worried about the results.All thoughts starting with "IF "..became the major theme in my mind.

As the people who meditate eat very less..The only "whole" meal was during lunch.I was worried that if I would mess up,then they would starve the whole day.My anxiety used to turn into panic attacks when serving time approached.I became little paranoid..I also used to get obsessed with perfection,tried working the whole day and sleeping only for few hours.The service became a misery to me.I had to deal with all the issues I normally have in a professional work place.After 3 days,I started missing my work-life...That was less stressful..."At least I don't have nightmare's where people suffer from food poisoning."

Humility is one of the best ways of dissolving the ego.Everything we achieve in the field of professional/personal/spiritual realm makes us more confident and the downside to that is that ,we feel, we are more important.Service was one of the ways which helped me understand the way my ego works.But even in service we start having expectations...We want to get noticed,we want to compete and we want to attach ourselves to the results.As I was returning back to my home I realized that,we can change the background in our life.But wherever we go,we project our own world.Our mind is filled with lot of issues which call for attention.

The food turned out good.All my worrying went in vain.There was a American psychologist( PhD and all the additional tags) who used to wash dishes there.He never traded places with any of us.According to him, dish washing was the easiest way to Nirvana.A educated person doing manual labor, is the ultimate solution for the intellectual ego.Gandhi followed that a lot in his life.

We all have the major instinct. We all want to be important, to surpass others, to achieve distinction, to lead the parade. ... And the great issue of life is to harness the major instinct. It is a good instinct if you don't distort it and pervert it. Don't give it up. Keep feeling the need for being important. Keep feeling the need for being first. But I want you to be the first in love. I want you to be the first in moral excellence. I want you to be the first in generosity.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The meditation I talk about is Vipassana Meditation(www.dhamma.org)

To defend ourselves

As humans with uncontrollable emotions we all are vulnerable.Whenever we are threatened we become defensive.We try to erect a wall of logic.I mix logic with lies, so that I can attract sympathy from people.The reason we get defensive is not to fool others but to protect ourselves from psychological pain.As free individuals we dont owe any explanation,as to why we behave a certain way or
why we react a certain way to situations.As long as we abide by the laws of the state and make choices which do not affect others,our actions/reactions cannot be judged.But we land up in situations,where our life becomes the focus and also what we are becomes a fact.
Facts are laws which do not change over time.As humans we vary our desires,ambitions and our lives every day.So when our lives are viewed as a fact...as a done deal,we feel threatened.I have recently realized that we feel hurt,only when we truly believe what others say.If you brush it off and let go of our defenses,it does not effect you.But as easy as it sounds,its very difficult to implement.I could never be impassive to any one's comments.But the only solution I found was to deal head on.I directly question the intention of the person who is assaulting me.Its embrassing the first few seconds,as the person is in shock.Honesty is scary to people who want to make you feel inferior.I have tried it in few situations...it helped me reduce the amount of logic and lies I use in counteracting judgements.

One minute Excellence

This article made a huge impact on me..
Its a article by Tom Peters


I can sense the curling of your lips. While such a catchphrase makes me shudder, too, it contains a gem waiting to be discovered.

How do you go on an effective diet? How do you stop smoking? How do you stop drinking?

In short, you do it and it's done. Then you work [hard] for the rest of your life to stay on the weight-maintenance, non-smoking, or booze-free wagon.

A while back, I came across a line attributed to IBM founder Thomas Watson, If you want to achieve excellence, he said, you can get there today. As of this second quit doing less-than-excellent work.

The idea is profound.

Suppose you're a waiter and, for your own future's sake (...) you decide to set a matchless standard for service. How? You do it. Now.

Sure you'll be clumsy at first. You'll get a lot of it wrong. You'll need to read up, listen to audio-tapes, take classes, tune in to on-line electronic chat rooms, visit other restaurants to collect clues. And you'll need to keep doing such things to maintain your edge (as an opera singer or a professional athlete does).

Nonetheless, you can become excellent in a nanosecond, staring with your first guest tonight. [...]

Does it sound wild? Silly? Naive? Maybe, but it isn't. The first 99.9 percent of getting from here to these is the determination to do it and not to compromise, no matter what sort of roadblocks those around you (including peers) erect.

The last 99.9 percent (I know it adds up to more than 100 percent -- that's life) is working [in right earnest] to
1. Keep your spirits up through the inevitable storms
2. learn something new every day
3. practice that something, awkward or not and no matter what, until it's become part of your nature.

What holds for the waiter also holds for the manager of a six-person department or the cheif executive of the 16,000 person firm.

How long does it take you, as boss, to achieve world-class quality? Less than a nanosecond to attain it, a lifetime of passionate pursuit to maintain it,
- By Tom Peters from "The Pursuit of Wow!"

S. A. D

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer, repeatedly, year after year.They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up

I get gloomy whenever the winter approaches.Rainy season also makes my days dull.I used to always wonder how Indian actress's get happy and dance in the rain...
It was always the opposite for me.I could never get out of bed,if the weather is cloudy,with never ending greyness.I dislike the hill stations in India..and always had a fantasy to go to Rajasthan for a vacation.
Even though my depression is not life threatening,it is still a pain living at a place which has rains all year round.(5 months snow also included)
How I wish I had Icelandic ancestry!!!
Wikipedia mentions that people in Iceland are immune to SAD.It seems a certain fish which they consume also makes them winter-friendly.Being a vegetarian the fish solution goes outside the window..

Personally I try to cheat my moods by using lot of lamps,which simulate the summer season.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy also works fine.Knowing more about the problems we are going to face and having solutions before hand, makes things easier with regard to SAD.
Keeping busy is one of the easiest ways to conquer SAD.

Rat race part 2

I just wanted to add few sources which can give a spiritual understanding to the term "ambition"(in terms of career)

Dr Larry Brilliant vs The devil of Ambition
Interview with Dr.Larry Brilliant


Adyashanti
Beyond the personal will

Not having enough

I have always struggled with some insecurity when it comes to relationships.It has always been that I victimize myself.I used to feel that I should be showered with extra amount of "love/care".
So this whole need to cling on to people and expect, was existing for a long time.
By the time I realized my foolishness,I had lot of people who have got used to the "clinging kind of me".They don't accept the changed "me" anymore.For them any positive change in me, means more trouble.Once we change,the people around us should also change(with respect to the way they behave towards us)
Most of the people we meet hate change.So I avoided being real most of the time.I lied,did everything to blend into the surroundings,started acting....did stupid things so that I could be accepted.I don't know, if it was, spiritual study or plain maturity which actually made me realize my own deceptive ways.I started being assertive,stuck to my beliefs and then the most unfortunate thing happened.People started deserting me.They just walked out of my life.

In most of the fairy tales,its always shown so positively.When we become brave and fight all the demons within us we are supposed to get applauded.So I was dumbstruck..when I realized how the world works.
Originality is always seen as a negative trait.Being honest,a huge crime.Only if you are inventive and make lot's of money..then the world acknowledges you..
If you are planning to become real,then say good bye to the world you know.

Rat Race

I am tired of the rat race
I am not talking about the rat race of corporate world.I am talking about tagging.If you are a Indian you will be quite aware of how we need to define ourselves with these tags ... Best School,Best University,Best Company and the list does not end.It causes so much stress to always aim for the best and try to tag it with your name.
They have been instances when I forget the name of the person but I remember the popular university/company they work for.(I know its a pathetic state..But as a middle class Indian I was trained this way)
Why cant future Indians be trained to aim for below average things.
Its the same thing which repeats itself every time you think of future spouse/children.As if thinking of superior standards was not enough..you have to sit and worry about the image of three other people.I feel so happy to meet Indians who are having a different educational background than me.I guess we automatically judge people based on their educational achievements and the company they work for.
When it comes to other nationalities,the talk is always about social life.May be for Indians the lack of social life and higher educational responsibilities ruins our ability to look at each other in any other way.

The World and Us

"The mind creates our world"
{I used to always think..its the other way ...
The world was created and then we entered into it}

Whenever a desire takes shape within us...It produces a reaction,which we project it outside.
Are there levels of how strong a desire can be?
Is a strong desire called Ambition?
This is where most of the self help make a million dollars.They tell you that there are 10 simple ways to make every desire come true.That seems funny to my mature mind.But I have spent countless hours(when I was younger)reading/revising these great techniques to develop my super-natural abilities.But all the favourable outcomes were forced.Nothing came naturally.That is where I lost all my faith on self help books which tell us that when we change action, everything changes with it.
But the action is made by our thoughts.
But then most of Indian philosophy tells us that all thoughts are false.Our true self lies beyond the mind.

To love unconditionally

I guess any person who says "go and love everyone unconditionally" ....must be playing a cruel joke on you.
But as always being the obedient philosophical student,I decided to try that in my life.I failed miserably.I cannot love anyone unconditionally!!!
The more I tried to love people I hate..the more hatred I developed.I started counting the days when they will be out of my life.Failure is such a hard knock on your head..and to top it off, when you fail in your spiritual endeavors.No one shares your spiritual failures.

Few things I realized about unconditional love are as follows...

I thought unconditional love was like "romantic" love shown in movies ....
You feel so nice,the blissful amazing experience like heaven on earth.Unconditional love does not get defined by our inferior standards of romantic love.The possessiveness,domination and feeling special does not exist.Unconditional love just means that you never expect anything in return.That also means that you don't have to compromise your life and your ideals to make the other person feel better.
unconditional love can be defined as the openess of a person who does not get bothered by the other person.How-ever they are..What-ever they are...It does not matter..
You don't want to give them advice/suggestions...You don't want to prove anything..
You exist with them and know in your heart that they are going to evolve in their own pace.

The hole in your soul

there is always something missing in our lives.When will contentment come.Will it ever come.May be contentment is an illusion.As long our life exists I guess there will always be a hole which needs to be fulfilled by soem desire or the other.

Emotional Help

Emotional help is seen as the best kind of support you would give someone you care about.Lately I have realized that doing it every time, we harm the person rather than help them.I have always observed that in myself and others,that when we don't mature and evolve we repeat the same mistakes again and again.
For example:
If a person has a problem confronting someone and redefining what they want...
"You do it for them"
It may boost your self esteem or make you feel proud that you are taking good care.But your help has actually left them with nothing to work on.If they fall into the same situation again,if I have self esteem issues or if I find my personal value comes from helping them ...I go and solve the problem..This is a vicious circle and this kind of dependency leaves no space for personal growth.Support should be in giving pointers not solving the problem.

i am running out of titles

Every interaction,every relationship gets with it a baggage which we should accept.Our parents,friends and other associates come with it and we have to calmly accept them.There is no way that a person who exits in this world can live in isolation without human interaction.Even if it is possible to live in isolation, the mind will create identities within ourself so that a relationship which exits irrespective of the person is kept alive.We all have to take a sip of poison.We can choose the brand of posion we want to gulp down.

Dither

Dither is an intentionally applied form of noise, used to randomize quantization error, thereby preventing large-scale patterns such as contouring that are more objectionable than uncorrelated noise. Dither is routinely used in processing of both digital audio and digital video data, and is often one of the last stages of audio production to compact disc.


Found this in a technical paper when I was doing some research on Dither.It gives us an idea how our brain uses the sense organs and distorts information.

Our brains are quite good at ignoring unimportant things. For example, you walk into someone's house and you smell a new smell - the way that house smells. After 5 minutes you don't smell it anymore. The smell hasn't gone away - your brain just ignores it when it realizes that it's a constant. The same is true of analog tape noise. If you're like most people you pay attention to the music, you stop hearing the noise after a couple of minutes. Your brain is able to do this all by itself because the noise is unrelated to the signal. It's a constant, unrelated sound that never changes with the music and is therefore unrelated - the brain decides that it doesn't change so it's not worth tracking. Distortion is something different. Distortion, like noise, is typically comprised entirely of unwanted material (I'm not talking about guitar distortion effects or the distortion of a vintage microphone here...). Unlike noise, however, distortion products modulate with the signal. Consequently the brain thinks that this is important material because it's trackable, and therefore you're always paying attention.

Highs and Lows

Osho says sadness is always real because its our own.

Happiness looks as if its a dream sequence.We sometimes need to pinch ourselves hard to know that we are not dreaming.What makes us happy is a projection of the society.Cave men would have been happy if they killed a huge buffalo.Our happiness lies in conservation of the disappearing buffaloes.Sometimes we feel that both happiness and sadness are an illusion.But misery hits you hard because no one comes to share it with you.Society is built by people who win.So that thought process is inbuilt in us and that makes sorrow very painful.Happiness should also be painful because it passes away so fast.But the applause and the congratulations from people takes us into a drug induced state where we feel we have really done something significant.

Power

Auden wrote:
"O God put away justice and truth for we cannot understand them and do not want them.Eternity would bore us dreadfully.Become our uncle.Look after baby,amuse grandfather,introduce Muriel to a handsome officer.Be interesting and weak like us and we will love you as we love ourselves."

Our human existence is marked by the pursuit of power.The God's we pray to, are powerful.We like only God's who can slay a million devils with a single blow.We don't like weak people.The weak people are the evil people(demons/evil forces) who get defeated by strong people(God)
Worship in most religions is the prayer for power.We want to get promotions so that our fellow employees can be looked down upon.Want a bigger car so that we look with pity on the homeless.Pursuit of power through prayer,money,status,education and work is defined as success in the modern world.We all become powerful from the inside and the outside world.But the most important thing is how we use the power.I am not going to be a simplistic moralist who says power should be used for the good.But to me the true test is how we handle the power.When the power is used to manipulate,the greatest losses occur.When the course of nature is changed we always are doomed.

Concept of Sin

Who is a sinner and who is a saint...
Are they different?If I rebel against society and don't follow the existing norms I am branded as a sinner.The same sinner would be shown as a saint in a different place with different ideals.Some basic moral values were invented by the society so that people can live in harmony.Monogamy was invented by society so that we can survive as a species.It may not be necessary in the present era,but we still value everything ancient.Underneath all the culture we still are animals and we behave like wild creatures once we are through with following society standards.Laws of the government and the scales of justice are formed by taking the consensus of powerful people.In olden days pushing a woman into fire as a offering was totally fine.But now it has been changed.In the same way murder in some countries are pardonable.Honor killings to be precise.So we all are a step away from rotting in prison.May be the murderers/thieves and other lower forms of society are one step away from becoming morally programmed citizens.Reforms in prisons have always showed that the mind is like clay.It can be shaped into any mold.

Dealing with Scum

The Avadhut said:

Hold not the immature, the credulous, the foolish, the slow, the layman and the fallen to have nothing good in them. They all teach something. Learn from them. Surely we do not give up a game although we have mastered it?

-Avadhut Gita

I guess we all get our share of scum in everyday life.
Why do we meet these people?

I feel sometimes there is something which is not resolved in me.That's manifests as anger towards these people.Its not the people or their life which generates dissatisfaction,may be its my expectation of goodness from everyone.I try to find a reason and a purpose behind everything.I guess it does not exist.May be pity or other strong emotions of empathy can cloud our judgment.But ultimately the true nature always shines through.We may close our eyes towards it....but it is still there.Kindness in all forms was my motto in dealing with such people.But I guess we all have a threshold and beyond which we cannot stretch our niceness.

For all the male chauvinists out there...

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids; set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches; drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping; then drove home to put away the groceries; paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted, and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night!!!!!"
Does this remind you of any woman in your family? Then do me a favour, call them & make their day by telling them that you do not envy them and also tell them how important they are in your life.

Taken from
http://www.helpothers.org/my/story.php?op=view&sid=8894

Self Restraint

Self-control is always seen as something which gives strength. In recent times Gandhi had made it very popular.
Is self-control necessary to live our life?
What makes us different from murderers, thieves and other anti-social people.They have the same range of emotions and desires like us.We have anger,violence,love,greed and jealousy which are the basis of our life.Or is the logic which drives this is.... "As long as you don’t get caught you are not a thief."
We all suffer from sudden outburst of anger and we all have emotions which can actually result in unfavourable consequences.Underneath all the civilized human set-up we are still wired to hunt and kill.May be now because we are so good at hiding our emotions with action/adventure movies,we seemed to forget that .Sometimes the voice in our heads,reaches outside and we are thrown into an asylum.

Weakness

All our talents are of no use to the world.The world mostly thrives on our weakness.Any weakness we have will get exploited and used for all kinds of material.physical and spiritual gain.The world does not work on principles of gift economy or intelligent consumerism.
I am not trying to paint a nihilistic view of the world.
I feel there is hope when we learn more and more about how the society keeps it self alive.

Absolute and Relative terms

When we define life or when we try to explain our own lives ,there is always this desire to put it in absolute terms.We want to identify our life through our profession,our achievements,our failures and also through our nationality/race/caste.But as I have explored trying to explain my life through these stable terms ,I have realized that it is a illusion.The same thing happens when I try to define someone through these narrow limitations.

But can we survive in this world without making these limited claims?
If someone asks you whether this person is "good"?
What should the answer be?
Should I say that according to my limited information which I got through the range of conversation and also through gossip ...
He is like "this"

May be the society thinks he is weird, but the same set of foolish people may claim his greatness later.So my problem has always been how do you define a human?
Sometimes I feel the philosophical answers sound perfect. Personality is just a facade which covers our true self.The true self has no attributes and is perfect.

Death

What is more scarier than one's own death?
If a person you love suffers,that is more painful than anything you ever experienced.
Your parents mortality question the very fact of your existence.Every moment becomes so precious and is capable of so much transformation.When things get taken for granted its mundane.When they start disintegrating,you realize the underlying divinity.Life offers no second chances,dont ever let the moments pass without making it acheive glory.

Advice

Advice is supposed to help people.I have got into more problems,giving advice.My intentions are always to provide the right judgment for the situation.But it so happens that it has always backfired.Most of the time we have made up our minds to do what we want.When we ask for a suggestion, we just want the last bit of motivation to take the jump into our own desired path.When I think deeply about giving advice I also feel my insignificance.
Who am I to make decisions for someone else?

Over the years I have also learnt to accept the fact that I really dont know,the right answer.I can give advice on buying a birthday gift.But I somehow feel that giving advice on "life-problems" is scary.
One of the easiest ways of imparting required advice is to start the advice with
"If I was in your situation ....I would have done this..."
This is one of the easiest ways of being responsible while giving advice.You dont tell the person you are going to solve the problem.But you show them a way, that you would have approached it.
The most important thing in giving advice is empathy.Sometimes I have tried to put myself in the persons shoes and walk around and examine what they are going through.This is very helpful when giving advice to a person who is ill.When the body is weak,logic fails.Physical pain is far more stronger than your voice or your actions.
Every person has their own pace and cannot be hurried up.Sometimes not helping someone may be the best help.

Wisdom

Wisdom has its own natural curve..There are no schools which can teach you how to get wise.Growing old makes us wise.The levels may not be the same but it makes everyone little more wiser.But the basic problem comes with conditioning.There is always a internal war going between conditioning and wisdom.The conditioning says you to react to situations taking inputs from the past.But wisdom diverts you in a different way.
Knowledge is also obtained through conditioning.That is the reason a person with a higher degree does not automatically develop wisdom to deal with situations.Knowledge is centered on the application.Wisdom is universal.A wise person may implement their experience into absolutely everything.But a knowlegable person(say for example a electrical engineer) can only work in that particular field.A wise enginner can make feasible solutions without going against nature(Example:Sustainable models). A knowledgable engineer will waste half of earth resources making stupid devices which are upgraded every second.(Example:Cell Phone)

Giving and receiving

Giving is always portrayed as something really great.Receiving on the other hand is shown as being meek.Charity is taken as a virtue and the people who we are being charitable to is shown with sympathy.Asking makes us feel small.Ancient monks were made to beg for food.Whatever was given to them was to be taken with a smile of gratitude.Asking breaks down the pride of ownership we have and also things we can control.I have always suffered from great displeasure when it comes to taking favors.I feel uneasy even to ask people for help when I need it.Life cannot be lived in isolation and we need support from others for our own well being.I have tried to cultivate the value of giving but I forgot to cultivate the value of receiving.When I ask something my mind creates a divide between me and the person I ask from.There is a sudden comparison mode my mind steps into.I feel smaller and the person who provides me help becomes a larger than life figure.
Why cant my mind accept that even that person requires help from other people?
Then if the person rejects the offer and not help me,my mind gets into condemning and steps into the zone of lower self worth.As our own worth ceases to exist in trivial emotions and beliefs,the less we will get effected by the outside.

Are we alike...

I have always tried to be politically correct.I have used rational ideas and logic to stand by my beliefs.On the one hand we have such high ideals that we propose and it would be a total different story when we have to act according to it.I have had the fortunate experience of working with people from different countries.My colleagues at work are from diverse backgrounds.They are from Pakistan,Ethiopia,China,Nepal,Mexico and America.When I talk to them and share experiences I don't feel the difference.We talk at how our cultures vary,but I guess the perspective matters.I try to learn a lot about their culture and initially there is some hesitation.The breakthrough for real good conversation and starting of good friendships occurs when the barriers of color and race are broken by human emotions.When my colleagues share their expectations,fears and joys I know they are exactly like me.Underneath our differences we are same.When we want to see similarity ..we see it everywhere..When we want to see differences...we see it everywhere...Our mind is a tool...we should try to use it in the right way.

Fame

When a beautiful flower blooms,somewhere in the amazon forest..Who observes that!!!
Trees which grow for hundreds of years,who notices their birthdays?
But why is that humans have a deep desire to get noticed.Every time we achieve something,we feel dejected ...if we don't get the required credit.Fame is transient and lasts only for a while.Celebrities do everything to hold on to their image.In everyday life people try to get noticed and do everything so that all the people around them keep buzzing their name.

Too many useless friends/relationships,wealth,personality traits and many more attributes can be used to become popular.The desire to get noticed and accepted by the other creates most of the problems.The "other" always effects us.

We wonder what "others" will say about us and we want to be superior to "others".Advertisements,standards set by society(economic and religious),moral values and also our own goals.The only way to kill the others mentality is to become aware of our intentions and motives.Does our desire and motivation come from within us?
Are our intentions worthy enough?
Answers to these questions may shatter away relationships.Personally I still fight with the "other" everyday.I still try to live away my life according to my inner motivation.But still a wave comes along and takes me away to the "others" world...

How honest can you get.........

Lately I have been thinking, how instantly we tell "yes" to people around us.May be at work,with family and friends,it becomes easy to mumble a "yes..I will surely do it"
But most of the time I wonder whether we have the capacity to do all that we promise.If you tell "no",then the person will be offended.If you agree to it and not do it..the person gets more offended.In one of the situations,when my friend asked me something,I was honest and told "no".Now we are not on talking terms... and I still stand by my ideals.
I confessed ,my hatred for neatness and order... to my boss.

This may look like professional and personal suicide,but the truth is, I am so relived.I don't want to make promises to anyone.I am tired of faking smiles and giving idle hope to people around me.I confess to my weakness more easily and also praise myself when needed.The doormat attitude of being nice is outdated.I think it takes more courage to say "no" and let no person run over you.Kindness,charity and helping others is important,but our own dharma/duty should be our highest priority.

The Economics of Relationships…

The base of a relationship is mutual self-interest. We fall in love with a person who exactly does what we want him/her to do. Our minds have set up a certain ideal for the person. The individual has to fit into that mold. When they do something different or do something contrary to our opinions then we begin to hate them. Our own ideal, which we set up, keeps changing. Our criteria keeps getting manipulated by our fickle mind. People …...to our minds are nothing but objects. We can build holy concepts around people,but when it boils down to a relationship, it is pure economics. There is nothing wrong with this idea. Many people think its crude and shun such ideas of looking at a relationship. They always want to look at life through fairy tale glasses. The motto of every business organization is that the customer has to be kept happy. They treat customers with respect and successful business-people treat customers and fellow employees with respect. But in a relationship most of the time even economical standards don’t work. Most of the people who exist in a committed relationship take the other person for granted, don’t keep them happy and forget about respect and trust. A successful business enterprise guarantees good quality of the product and their long life. A good relationship should guarantee long life and also mutual happiness.

Only two independent people can have a good relationship.
Any emotional/financial/physical dependence makes the relationship into a parasite paradise.One would dominate(mostly men) and other becomes submissive(mostly women)..this has been a trend which has continued for centuries.Even though initially parasite-relationships look as if they work,in the long run they break down.
The woman who has no image of her own and she starts searching for something to fulfill her.She lives vicariously through her children.She tries to dominate and subject the kids to all her dreams.The kids end up with psychological problems and they torture their kids and the vicious circle of doom continues.The man on the other hand tries to exercise the power on all levels.Some guys with huge complexes/self esteem issues, try to marry a girl who is quite young.They also try to choose a spouse who is not educated.Somehow they feel that, they can run the girl's life.For such guys a pet dog would be the right choice.They can train the dog more easily.
No amount of wealth and material luxuries patch up the imbalance between the man and the woman in a parasite relationship.

Progression

How can we judge whether or not we have improved in our life?
There are few theories, which say that there is no ultimate transformation and there is no need to change ourselves. But I feel that because of our illusions that we create,we change ourselves from the perfect state.To return to our original form is transformation.We have to use the relative mind and the changing reality to define ourselves.Even though it is quite clear that we continuously change every second.We set up ideals which we think lasts for a longer time.All virtues and vices which we possess cannot exist.One way to judge progess is to see how much the mind fluctuates between misery and happiness.When we accept both and not complain or if we decrease the amount of cribbing we do,we start progressing towards better mental health.The second way of judging would be how attached or possessive we are to things and people.