Saturday, December 27, 2008

Not having enough

I have always struggled with some insecurity when it comes to relationships.It has always been that I victimize myself.I used to feel that I should be showered with extra amount of "love/care".
So this whole need to cling on to people and expect, was existing for a long time.
By the time I realized my foolishness,I had lot of people who have got used to the "clinging kind of me".They don't accept the changed "me" anymore.For them any positive change in me, means more trouble.Once we change,the people around us should also change(with respect to the way they behave towards us)
Most of the people we meet hate change.So I avoided being real most of the time.I lied,did everything to blend into the surroundings,started acting....did stupid things so that I could be accepted.I don't know, if it was, spiritual study or plain maturity which actually made me realize my own deceptive ways.I started being assertive,stuck to my beliefs and then the most unfortunate thing happened.People started deserting me.They just walked out of my life.

In most of the fairy tales,its always shown so positively.When we become brave and fight all the demons within us we are supposed to get applauded.So I was dumbstruck..when I realized how the world works.
Originality is always seen as a negative trait.Being honest,a huge crime.Only if you are inventive and make lot's of money..then the world acknowledges you..
If you are planning to become real,then say good bye to the world you know.


Mallikarjuna said...

hi good luck

Destination Infinity said...

I think, it is always good that such people walk out of our lives. Just as they have been selective to move only with certain people, we also need to be selective on our part.

Destination Infinity

Vini The Pooh said...

I see it's not per se about a +ve change or otherwise.

Change, in general, doesn't go well wid ppl.
probably because when we are introduced to a person, we try to blend with them.. accept them the way they are.. Good/bad, We do try to accept.

When a person changes, We see a totally different individual in front of us. (Am not being Captain Obvious here :))).

Some may perhaps try to put an effort into knowing that changed individual again..

A few others may be soo used to that face of the individual, walking outta the individual's life or staying makes no difference to them. For as far as they r concerned, the individual they knew no longer exists!

If that's good or bad is again debatable.

Karthik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LongerDisplayNames said...

The darkest times are just before dawn.

VJ said...

Preethi, I am little bit surprised. Why does one want to be applauded by others and get external approvals for being honest or for being themselves? :-)

The world works in a very simple way: It works for the majority of the people who are in the middle of the normal distribution. The world does not favor people who deviate a lot from the mean on both good and bad sides. In your case, if you are extremely real or extremely fake, you will find it difficult in a social world governed by majority. Similar thing is true for people who always change or never change. One has to simply accept this truth. Mutations cannot seek sympathy or approval from the majority. I am getting more funny/silly thoughts but let me stop :D

Ram said...

You are going through little similarities in phase which I explained when we were chatting.Kartik above gives a somewhat good understanding from his own situation.
But maturity implies that the problem is to be tackled.