Saturday, November 07, 2009

Self Control (Speech)

Lot of the functions in our body are on auto pilot and we don’t even realize it.Most of our bodily functions like digestion and regulating body temperature happen on their own.We don’t have to instruct the body to do so.It is like a well oiled machine reacting to different stresses of life.Discipline can be related strongly to controlling the senses.But trying to voluntarily control our senses seem as a tough task.But they have lot of benefits.Gandhi had used lot of these techniques to achieve his goal of trying to find the truth.Other than spiritual benefits there are other potential gains from controlling the senses.

Controlling our speech has enormous positive results in our lives.
Think before you talk – I wish I could follow that in my life.I blurt out “yes” when I want to say “no”.I say things which I regret
laterAlso, there are issues of  being “too nice” which makes us say things which we don’t mean.When our self worth is dependent on others, we try to please others in many ways.Helping and pleasing are two totally different aspects of charity.Help does not give rise to greed, pride and guilt.Pleasing others gives rise to pride when our ego gets a boost.Also there is enormous guilt of not living up to our standards we set.Once others know that we are working so hard to gain acceptance from them,they start making unreal demands.We wont have the courage to say “no”.Instead we slip into more guilt and they get what they want.

Some ways which I think will help me deal with such situations :

1. Being more assertive about my wants.

2.  To say the truth under most circumstances no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel.

3.  To talk only when necessary and avoid doing small talk which involves gossip/rumors.The rule is to solve problems not create new ones.Trying not to “bitch” about othes unnecessarily but to  talk about others so that new lessons can be learnt from the mistakes they made.

4.  Before I blame others, I look at myself to see if I have made the same mistakes in the past.This exercise actually reduces the amount of anger and hate I develop for the person.

5.  To confront the person and let them know off their behavior in a non threatening way and find positive ways to heal myself.

6.  If the above options don’t work,then the last option would be to be silent and let it pass.Or schedule a time to discuss the issues later.


Haddock said...

some times the lat option works wonders.

Wanderer said...

I have found options 1, 2 and 4 to work wonders in my life!
It is not always easy, like you said, but it is worth it! ;-)