Friday, August 25, 2006


I come across people sometimes who have different masks which they wear for different arenas of their lives..They change their tone and appearance for the occasion and hide their real self ..Internet can allow you to believe sometimes what you are not..I have known so many people personally!!! when they are online giving their precious words of wisdom through the online/blog sources they contradict their true selves...There are layers of deception which people sometimes carry through..A mordern thought process is achieved by trying to follow the latest clothing or buying a cool car/eating at a posh restaurant or behaving in a new way which would put actors to shame..I have always appreciated people who are straight forward and deterimined.Virtual loads of love cant replace the real piece of emotion which beats in your heart.Ultimately your own fakeness destroys your life and the illusion is broken and you fall down...May be sometimes we should let time be the task master and let the guilty pay the price for the crime committed..

Monday, August 21, 2006

Self gratitude

I can hardly see the road I am walking on..Everything is so blurred..I feel dizzy and I think I am going to faint..This is not something new but I have been going through these self inflicted pain for a long time.I continously starve myself for long periods of time.This was few years back..when I had very low levels of self esteem and confidence.

Mostly when ever anyone of my friends has any problems or issues with their confidence..I used to be the first person to pull them out of the depths of hurt.
But I could never help myself.I could never talk myself out of the sadness.I thought I never deserved a second chance in life.I wanted life to give me all the difficulties it could give because I just gave up.
This would have been a losers attitude.But I sometimes I feel we just cant help ourselves..I used to fall sick most of the time because I did not want to deal with the unhappy situations.But I think the most important factor which
pulled me through these tough situations was forgiveness.Trying to forgive other people is actually very easy.But trying to forgive yourself is a gigantic task.
Mostly humans in these conditions develop a masochistic attitude..Even I went through that phase when I started enjoy pain..Human psychology is such that
pleasurable condition can never be changed easily.It takes a little more effort to give up the present happiness for the future dividends..

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Meditation -Part 2

Caution:This post about mediatation is... my view on it.....It can vary from what others experience..From the past 7 years I have been trying to mediatate on and off..This article is born out of my own thinking !!!

It requires persistance...Meditation is not just some practice where you drown in silence.Its a battle with yourself.The first stage of meditation is trying to concentrate your mind on nothing.When you first start off its a daily struggle trying to concentrate on darkness or some rhythmic sound which is soothing.I dont think meditation is some kind of miracle science which can solve your life problems...but it is one of the ways of looking directly at problems.In most cases when humans encounter complex problems which are emotionally very tiresome e try to find ways to escape it.Meditation places your mind in the middle of chaos.We need to solve all our difficult issues to be at peace with ourself.Our conscience slowly comes to life and starts pricking up with questions.Meditation slowly makes us a way to heal.I have always mediatated continously for a month then I would land in one of the problems I was trying to run away.Meditation has helped me grow ..Sometimes I was not mentally ready to face a situation but I pushed myself to solve it and I landed in a dead end..I feel evolution cant be a process of fast recovery.But then again I had the ability to solve it some time later.May be its wisdom and our own self knowledge which drives us to be better humans beings..

Meditation is a map..a path...not a destination..We need to walk through to reach the goal...

Saturday, August 12, 2006

As I scream loudly and hear the echos travelling the bygone lanes .A part of me emerges which I have never seen..This existed from when I was born.In shadows it travelled with me everywhere.It coloured the every white thought I did with honest intentions.I wonder from where the roots of my desire spring up.My unwanted qulaities demand justice.My laziness,my greed,my selfishess and my lies tell me they want justice..How can I ignore when they are present?How do I suggest my greatness when they are there..To close my eyes and accept they dont exist doesnt work any more!!!
Where do I throw my wasted self...Where do I go to forget the cruel past?

To kill desire ..experience it..When the desire leaves then there is no control..Like tamed beasts the hate resides near good..Like the shadow it exists beside dark.I see the dichotomy of life everywhere..But I choose to see the light and not the dark..

Thursday, August 10, 2006

A four legged freind

As I lay on this square bed facing the wall
Why dont you come beside me and have a chat
I may not live forver in this world
But through my veins the blood which runs red
Have been bonding us through the ages
Dont get scared as the mania may never touch you
Every part of my body screams in pain
But it will be kind of you if come and talk to me again
I promise I will keep the tears in my sunken eyes
I shall never let the sadness run close to you
I am a part of you ..a divine child..
I have soul and a body which is falling apart
the four legged bed my best friend
You stay with me till my very end
The music is lost and the dance is going to stop
Oh...holy light pull me stronger towards you today
I feel like leaving my body
I dont want to feel this strange pain
When humans falter and burn you down
When they crush your heart with their cruel rules
Oh four legged saviour take me far away ..
To a world of dreams and eternal peace
My body is falling apart and still I have a soul
I am born out of your dont have to be so cold

Inner Wars

Sometimes as a ego trapped kid ..I use to feel winning was everything..I was constantly at battle with everyone who was better than me .I wanted to have the victories which no one ever had!!!Even now I think winning is everything ..But winning with your self is the greatest joy..It may sound cliched and might have been told a million times before.But the time when the competition form outside stops and we start sharing our knowledge,money and our service with others..there is a other battle which starts with our negativity,with our mind and with our pleasures..Self discipline even though it looks like the army word ...
which scares me most of the time..
I call myself free spirit..
I will tell you that it is the one thing which leads you to success..

As Steven Covey says in his book,If there is a yes printed inside your heart ...then nothing in the world can stop you ...You just need to know for what you should say yes..

Orange Bloom

As I sit and gaze at the beauty spread in front of me
I try to catch the fleeting moments tightly in my fingers
I know that there may never be a another day
Which would be as beautiful as today?
The love of calmness and peace surrounding me
The old bench on which we sat for a hour
The seconds which felt like total eternity
The dream getting converted to reality
For a minute a rising panic runs through my body
I feel scared that may be I would never have this happiness again
I sit there and sweat out my fear and agony
A slight half smile I see on your face
This beautiful world has given me a precious treasure
Life has let me taste the sweetest thing
Now as I sit in loneliness everyday
The memory weaves a web which tangles me and gives me company
I may never know whether I could see once again a heaven on earth
I may never have the trouble of letting go
The beautiful sunset has been etched in my heart
Nothing in this world can take that away