Meditation-1

I have all through my teenage years heard about the wonders about meditation.I had tried it through various stages of life.I first started it when I was 9 years old.I was trembling with fear because I had 2 stages of fever (viral)for a duration of 6 months and I thought I was dying.The second time I actively tried meditation was ,when I failed miserably to clear the IIT exam and ruined my EAMCET exam in that process.[both these exams refer to engineering exams]There was intense pain in me to leave the success driven world and may be go to Tibet to a buddhistic monastery.It made me guilty that I couldnt contniue liking clothes,jewellery ..like how most girls enjoy life.The more I meditated the more I was drawn to see beauty in music,art and I could look into the eyes of a beggar and see the pain .I never felt like this ever.I had become too soft.My life got simplified.I wanted to eat less,work selflessly,eat only simple food.But I was scared that I could not continue a normal life with my freinds.So I do, what every one does when one cant face the facts of life..escape it...by watching T.V,doing mindless shopping ,getting obsessed by the way i look..trying to run away from yourself..
I just couldnt continue meditation continously.I did not know the reasons at all.I read the advantages of meditation everywhere..increased concentartion,improved life,improved memory.Meditation was still there ..but it was a once in a 15 day event.