Motivation

What is the one thing which drives you to achieve what you want?

Money,Fame,Love,Pain,Pleasure...

Constantly we see our own negative points and wish only if we could change ???Effort does not lead to any positive result.The biggest motivator is pain.Not pleasure,money,fame or any other kind of self satisfying desire.We need to want it so badly that it troubles you to the extent that you change yourself.I have been struggling with so many new changes in my life and they would have never materialized if there was no pain.If there was misery in my life I have driven myself to see peace and embrace it.The guilt and the shame of my own emotional being has motivated me to do something.The working of motivation always works from inside out.The inner being should have a marked change in perspective and a shift in consciousness or else the change will be momentarily marked change is to change the inner most ingrained behavior and attitude.
Consistency and positive affirmation goes a long way in what we become.Every single time we make a wrong choice which goes against our best interests there is a small part of you which burns itself to death.When we violate and cause harm to ourselves we are giving rise to self hate.This shows in various ways in our life in the way we address our hopes ,desires and puts deep wrinkles in our forehead as we grow old.
But we dont know the true from the false by just reading bunch of books or by looking at others life..the soul has to go through the journey then we realize the potential we have in ourselves to achieve greatness and reach the plane when everything we do is like a ripple ...it starts from you ...doing good ..and then spreads itself in all directions to help humanity...the nature and on whole the vast world..All great people have achieved it through the tools of honesty,belief,ability to bear failure and constant struggle to hold truth in their hearts...

A little inspection

Human beings
They get bored with childhood. They rush to grow up and then long to be children again.
They lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
By thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,
such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
They should learn:
- that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
- that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
- that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

Godot

Unburdening the load...

You look for calmer pathways in life which is stable and monotonous...You look for ways to reduce strain..to reduce the bumps on the road..The main goals becomes stability and problem solving ..Any problem which crops up.. I used to get anxious and think of the devastating result it produces.This mindset is not in synchronicity with nature..The chaos and confusion which exists in our life have a oppurtunity of growth hidden in them..Everything in the world is a well ordered system ..Many of the philisophical books talk about the path of least resistance and the path of uncertainity..
The path of last resistance was used successfully by Gandhi.He used the path of non violence which is a humane method to achieve freedom.Least resistance means that we act with nature,with our own destiny to make our lives..We dont act of our ego..we dont have ego trips which makes life difficult ..We let go of the possessions ..we wait for it to come to us...Least resistance principle is a method in which we use our wisdom to make changes in life and sometimes we just life go by without forcing change on it.

We look for secure job,a spouse who is with us for a life time,we look for gadgets which last a life time ..we want everything to last forver..We want,desire and aim at permanence..But the world does not work on certainity..it works on uncertainity..The natural destructions which occurs for seconds changes the lives of millions of people..This is not the cruel side of divine power ..But it is renewal..As Rabindranath Tagore puts it ..

The vessel empties and is filled again ..the melodious music from the flute is played..

As humans we need to thrive on uncertainity..This does not mean having a aimless life or a life without proper ambition..But it means to open to the possibilities of life..To plan every single day and minute what you will do is foolishness.We need to have clear goals and principles.But once you decided what you want..you leave it to nature and start enjoying the rocky/smooth ride..You enjoy the journey and be detached to the results..Uncertainity and confusion is a gift ...it helps you grow as a more humble spiritual being..Sometimes the worst situations happen for your own good..When you see the bigger picture at the end..you would thank your destiny for all the diasters..

Rejection...

What is that you offer when someone has everything.The broken hearted souls speak to the stone hearted people who have cast them away.Living apart from civilization is difficult ...Isolation deprives you of the common everyday joys.From when we are young ... as we go into old age ..all of us would be rejected or discarded from our jobs,friends ,lovers,family and so on..This rejection may be due to some misunderstandings,fights or plain cruelity against us.The first time when we are not allowed to play in the popular groups..as kids..it pricks us the hardest..If we are given correct advice and helped to cope with such conditions we turn out to be a unscrewed human..But if you are one of those unlucky kids around..to go through the pain alone then the bad internal dialogue which is formed then.. actually repeats and continues to our adulthood.These rejections turn into anxiety,panic attacks,jealousy,eating disorders..and so on..It takes a hard look at our internal dialogue to make out what we feed our internal self... Once you know that you are being effected with low self esteem,self hate and destruction..the next things is to discard it out of your mind..There is no magic pill which can make you forget the insults and the tremendous amount of hurt you have been through all the years.The easier way is to unlearn the habits.One of the best ways of treating yourself is to take responsibility for your own emotions.Be a light into yourself.Be your own best freind.Be your own psychologist.Write all your fears into a journal ..bury your anger in the pages..let all of your misery sink into the white space and come out as words..Give life to all your hidden emotions..It would take some months..sometimes years but once you start ..there is no looking back.You have to learn to embrace rejection as a part of our existence..

When less is more

I have sometimes lived in the constant fear of losing the rat race. Everything I have strived to gain has sometimes slipped into the constant fear of scarcity. As the universe expands and everything in it expands into new horizons...the amazing complex professional world contracts. The opportunities seem to diminish. I am in state of constant scarcity and I feel insecure. I always lack the right knowledge. The technology has left me far behind. My pay is less ,my demands are more. The clothes even though numbering a fair amount looks less. My face demands attention. I have bought everything which can make my skin glow. Still there is something which steals the inner smoothness..The racks with all the stuff makes me feel poor...The masters degree makes me insecure..The wisdom of life still eludes me. Confusion ranges in various degrees ..I go through a fit of anger and start throwing away which has kept my real self hidden...The real me exists ..it is buried under layers of branded clothes...The cosmetics have fogged my vision..The real me exists ...The gleaming cards dont have that much worth..The necessity exists...The real me needs a way through distractions...it wants me to look ...to look carefully...to listen carefully...a quiet whisper...which passes through ...a silence which exists ...

Blocking the unpleasant

Sometimes I feel our mind creates so many problems which haunt us for the rest of our life.The emotions ,expressions which surround us everyday pose us so many questions.As a kid I used to watch people getting hypnotised by magicians.I used to get scared that these people can control us and make us work like programmed dummies.But I feel we go through emotional hypnotism a lot of times in our lives.A stranger who is rude to us in the morning controls our moods for such a long time.This hypnotism is not something which others inflict on us ..but its the contol we give to others.This emotional hijacking of sorts takes place a lot of times in our lives.From the time we are born our parents and teachers try to influence their thought process on us.We are constanly challenged when we are young to behave properly and not hurt our loved ones feelings.But the know how of the world gives the adult the necessary knowledge to decide why ,when and whom we give the power strings of our emotions.A wrong pull may slide us into a place which would make us do things which sometimes compromise our very fabric of morality.I have personally been through a lot of situations in which I had been controlled with the help of "strong emotional black mail".Sometimes when we are infactuated by a idea or a person we think we make the mistake of letting go of the responsibility of our own emotions.This discussion actually comes down to our insecurities and basic impulses.If you are a dependent person then it would be very hard for you to take a decision which goes against a loved one.The constant thrill or initial enthusiasm wanes away and we are left with our raw self.The floating mind hits the ground.But I have a strange intutive feeling which tells me that people who love you and respect you will always support you ,even if you make decisions which may go against their view of the world.The only thing is to surround yourself with people who give love unconditionally without any conditions.Such love when shared between family,freinds or lovers is the highest form of devotion and it helps you grow as a divine being.

Mind and Body Link...

I have never quite paid attention to the quiet impulses of my body.My mind goes through various highs and lows ,my body reacts to the various changes .I have never thought about the mind and body being connected.Our repressed attitudes and guilt come out in various ways and show themselves how much ever we try to hide.One way to correct this is personality development .But the drawback to this is if we dont do the inner work the discomfort which a particular emotion was causing us will
transform into a different disorder and torture us.
These psychosoamtic pains have no relief from painkillers.

Personally I have experienced lot of my emotions having an adverse effect on my health.The self denial has appeared in various forms.My own worry cycles and depressive phases have defined my body image.I gain more weight when I am sad.I stay ill for weeks sometimes when confrontations in life become difficult.The anxiety attacks have made me frozen ...
Awareness of who we are gives us a choice .I try to make healthy choices and dont let emotions run my life.I constructively decide and let food be a noursiher for my body and not attach any emotion to it.I somehow get this feeling sometimes that our body is not against us ...it has a capacity to regenerate and help us deal with all our setbacks...only if we knew..only if we were listening...

Blank canvas

The whiteness drowns me in a blinding light
the colours have dried up
The shades have stopped mesmerising me
My mind wavering and restless like wind
destroys every idea ...
The sunrises and sets without informing me
I fail to capture the hues..
The artist in me has shrunken
It starves for pain
The anger and frustration scares the hands
The canvas is blank
the colours are dried up
The brushes are worn out...
I wait for moment when the time is favourable
I let dreams carry me
I hope to reach the pinnacle
I hope to express through a medium
I wish..I hope..I wait
I lay quiet ..
I let silence speak...

Temple of Love

This post is about the experience of cancer patient and what the near/dear ones undergo in the process...I have written this in a fictional way...but the inspiration is my uncle who served my aunt through her lasting illness...I would also hope that my cousin also find healing and peace...


There was a surge of infatuation which fogged my eyes.I could not see anything ..I felt as if I was sailing in the waves of my created dream.It was when the news knocked me so hard where I could feel my own heart bleed.Love is not a fleeting minute of affection which effects our whole life.I feel love is selfless way to progress to find the truth.To step out of the ever deceptive world which builds this elongated matrix of wants and desires.I can see her veins go blue as she lays on the bed.I can feel the pain which she bravely fights hit me hardly everywhere..I see how life can be unfair and cruel...I curse god!!I take a oath to fight time and death..I tell her to have hope..I give her doses of courage ..She is growing weak..The options are reducing..The clock is ticking..I can feel that your hand is slipping from mine..I dont want you to suffer..I want you to live for ever..I hope others never have to grow through this..This unjust world and cruel life has given me so much pain which I feel I dont have the strength to bear..I want this ever lasting anxiety to end..I want peace...I want you to live in peace..I want to build a monument of love ...My service personifies my feeling in my soul..
A part of you has left this physical world but the memory keeps you alive...I can see your ghostly figure everywhere I go..I feel you ever so close..Your voice echoes everywhere..I want you to stay..I want you to prove love lasts forver...

Temple of Love

This post is about the experience of cancer patient and what the near/dear ones undergo in the process...I have written this in a fictional way...but the inspiration is my uncle who served my aunt through her lasting illness...I would also hope that my cousin also find healing and peace...


There was a surge of infatuation which fogged my eyes.I could not see anything ..I felt as if I was sailing in the waves of my created dream.It was when the news knocked me so hard where I could feel my own heart bleed.Love is not a fleeting minute of affection which effects our whole life.I feel love is selfless way to progress to find the truth.To step out of the ever deceptive world which builds this elongated matrix of wants and desires.I can see her veins go blue as she lays on the bed.I can feel the pain which she bravely fights hit me hardly everywhere..I see how life can be unfair and cruel...I curse god!!I take a oath to fight time and death..I tell her to have hope..I give her doses of courage ..She is growing weak..The options are reducing..The clock is ticking..I can feel that your hand is slipping from mine..I dont want you to suffer..I want you to live for ever..I hope others never have to grow through this..This unjust world and cruel life has given me so much pain which I feel I dont have the strength to bear..I want this ever lasting anxiety to end..I want peace...I want you to live in peace..I want to build a monument of love ...My service personifies my feeling in my soul..
A part of you has left this physical world but the memory keeps you alive...I can see your ghostly figure everywhere I go..I feel you ever so close..Your voice echoes everywhere..I want you to stay..I want you to prove love lasts forver...

A handful of trust

Trust is so important in our lives..So many times we just sail through life without even questioning whether the people who surround us would support us in time of need.Humans by nature are dependent species.The dependency level should not be so high that you become a parasite.But normal dependency levels are crucial for our everyday existence.When we have the taste of someone taking advantage of our bad swings in life ,the over all trust we have on humanity decreases.This downward spiral continues for sometime until we reach a stage where someone else builds up trust.Then again a bad situation makes us trust-less..These circles of trust and trust-lessness continues for a long time.I have always thought what is the solution for the problem...
Do we become spies and start suspecting everyone?
Do we prepare ourselves for the worst circumstances ..so that the damage is less..
I personally believe that what you give comes back in return...
Having a common set of principles to guide our lives irrespective of whom we interact gives us a guilt free approach of handling the dangerous situations.
It would never happen that we wont get cheated by someone or the other.Each one of us have to go through that phase in life.But the reactive outlook can change and enpower you and not make you feel like a fool.

To give love ..to people who give hate
To distribute trust ..to the people who steal our fate
To live like a king/queen ..when your friends steal your wealth
Is not impossible to achieve ...it takes only a little bit time ..
The tides would change and stars would shine
When the good times roll...It overshadows all the insults and crimes...

Soul search...

I stop my breath so that I can hear the utterances of my soul
I lay in the dark so that I can see the hidden light
As I step into the sleepy depths of my body which lies there still
I feel the soul stepping out of me..
Is it when I hug death that it leaves me ..
Or in the night without my knowledge
It plays little tricks on me
The sole thought circles my mind
Whether that soul would get back to me when the ray of
light strikes
I wake up knowing that today my soul is with me
I tremble when it may again leave me
I look at the blue sky my mind racing the clouds
The search of finding the soul still continues
For some time with the distractions of the world
I forget that the soul may leave me
I sit on the bed that night staying awake
So that it does not escape the physical body
All this talk I babble sometimes does not make sense
I take a breath and hear the inner longing
the soul wants to travel with me
It says that this insecurity will die down one day
When at peace I make my mark on this world
I bow down in honor of the holy soul
The fire cant burn it
The wind cant blow it away
It exists and vanishes at the same instant
It shows me a way!!!!

Spinning Wheel

The wheel has always had a significant position among all the symbols which have caused major revolts. The thread spun was also used as a tool for freedom. But lately I have started to feel the gratitude towards the ever spinning wheel. Seasons come and go, leaves fall, the heat burns the skin and the chills create new wounds. But ever going forward not rewinding to the past...it seems so amazing and I marvel at natures creation...Time for me has been a gift. Instead of focusing on trying to squeeze all the things I wanted to ever do. Sometimes I just drown myself in the tides of time. It heals me from within. Whenever a doubt occurs in my mind I stroll by the shores of the ever expanding time and set the problem free. I don’t react. I enjoy the passing moment. I feel as if I am traveling at the speed of light towards end and still I feel the weight of silence in my heart. I never search for solutions. I don’t search for the right person to talk to. I let time to leave me a secret message in a bottle .I let the water take me in so that it shows me new places. I used to close my eyes tightly because I was scared .Now I let time show me the horizons of destiny and as the wheel rotates I as a silent observer get hypnotized by the beauty of life.

Time is the wisest counselor

Counterfeit

I come across people sometimes who have different masks which they wear for different arenas of their lives..They change their tone and appearance for the occasion and hide their real self ..Internet can allow you to believe sometimes what you are not..I have known so many people personally!!! when they are online giving their precious words of wisdom through the online/blog sources they contradict their true selves...There are layers of deception which people sometimes carry through..A mordern thought process is achieved by trying to follow the latest clothing or buying a cool car/eating at a posh restaurant or behaving in a new way which would put actors to shame..I have always appreciated people who are straight forward and deterimined.Virtual loads of love cant replace the real piece of emotion which beats in your heart.Ultimately your own fakeness destroys your life and the illusion is broken and you fall down...May be sometimes we should let time be the task master and let the guilty pay the price for the crime committed..

Self gratitude

I can hardly see the road I am walking on..Everything is so blurred..I feel dizzy and I think I am going to faint..This is not something new but I have been going through these self inflicted pain for a long time.I continously starve myself for long periods of time.This was few years back..when I had very low levels of self esteem and confidence.

Mostly when ever anyone of my friends has any problems or issues with their confidence..I used to be the first person to pull them out of the depths of hurt.
But I could never help myself.I could never talk myself out of the sadness.I thought I never deserved a second chance in life.I wanted life to give me all the difficulties it could give because I just gave up.
This would have been a losers attitude.But I sometimes I feel we just cant help ourselves..I used to fall sick most of the time because I did not want to deal with the unhappy situations.But I think the most important factor which
pulled me through these tough situations was forgiveness.Trying to forgive other people is actually very easy.But trying to forgive yourself is a gigantic task.
Mostly humans in these conditions develop a masochistic attitude..Even I went through that phase when I started enjoy pain..Human psychology is such that
pleasurable condition can never be changed easily.It takes a little more effort to give up the present happiness for the future dividends..

Meditation -Part 2

Caution:This post about mediatation is... my view on it.....It can vary from what others experience..From the past 7 years I have been trying to mediatate on and off..This article is born out of my own thinking !!!

It requires persistance...Meditation is not just some practice where you drown in silence.Its a battle with yourself.The first stage of meditation is trying to concentrate your mind on nothing.When you first start off its a daily struggle trying to concentrate on darkness or some rhythmic sound which is soothing.I dont think meditation is some kind of miracle science which can solve your life problems...but it is one of the ways of looking directly at problems.In most cases when humans encounter complex problems which are emotionally very tiresome e try to find ways to escape it.Meditation places your mind in the middle of chaos.We need to solve all our difficult issues to be at peace with ourself.Our conscience slowly comes to life and starts pricking up with questions.Meditation slowly makes us a way to heal.I have always mediatated continously for a month then I would land in one of the problems I was trying to run away.Meditation has helped me grow ..Sometimes I was not mentally ready to face a situation but I pushed myself to solve it and I landed in a dead end..I feel evolution cant be a process of fast recovery.But then again I had the ability to solve it some time later.May be its wisdom and our own self knowledge which drives us to be better humans beings..

Meditation is a map..a path...not a destination..We need to walk through to reach the goal...

As I scream loudly and hear the echos travelling the bygone lanes .A part of me emerges which I have never seen..This existed from when I was born.In shadows it travelled with me everywhere.It coloured the every white thought I did with honest intentions.I wonder from where the roots of my desire spring up.My unwanted qulaities demand justice.My laziness,my greed,my selfishess and my lies tell me they want justice..How can I ignore when they are present?How do I suggest my greatness when they are there..To close my eyes and accept they dont exist doesnt work any more!!!
Where do I throw my wasted self...Where do I go to forget the cruel past?

To kill desire ..experience it..When the desire leaves then there is no control..Like tamed beasts the hate resides near good..Like the shadow it exists beside dark.I see the dichotomy of life everywhere..But I choose to see the light and not the dark..

A four legged freind

As I lay on this square bed facing the wall
Why dont you come beside me and have a chat
I may not live forver in this world
But through my veins the blood which runs red
Have been bonding us through the ages
Dont get scared as the mania may never touch you
Every part of my body screams in pain
But it will be kind of you if come and talk to me again
I promise I will keep the tears in my sunken eyes
I shall never let the sadness run close to you
I am a part of you ..a divine child..
I have soul and a body which is falling apart
the four legged bed my best friend
You stay with me till my very end
The music is lost and the dance is going to stop
Oh...holy light pull me stronger towards you today
I feel like leaving my body
I dont want to feel this strange pain
When humans falter and burn you down
When they crush your heart with their cruel rules
Oh four legged saviour take me far away ..
To a world of dreams and eternal peace
My body is falling apart and still I have a soul
I am born out of your blood...you dont have to be so cold

Inner Wars

Sometimes as a ego trapped kid ..I use to feel winning was everything..I was constantly at battle with everyone who was better than me .I wanted to have the victories which no one ever had!!!Even now I think winning is everything ..But winning with your self is the greatest joy..It may sound cliched and might have been told a million times before.But the time when the competition form outside stops and we start sharing our knowledge,money and our service with others..there is a other battle which starts with our negativity,with our mind and with our pleasures..Self discipline even though it looks like the army word ...
which scares me most of the time..
I call myself free spirit..
I will tell you that it is the one thing which leads you to success..

As Steven Covey says in his book,If there is a yes printed inside your heart ...then nothing in the world can stop you ...You just need to know for what you should say yes..

Orange Bloom

As I sit and gaze at the beauty spread in front of me
I try to catch the fleeting moments tightly in my fingers
I know that there may never be a another day
Which would be as beautiful as today?
The love of calmness and peace surrounding me
The old bench on which we sat for a hour
The seconds which felt like total eternity
The dream getting converted to reality
For a minute a rising panic runs through my body
I feel scared that may be I would never have this happiness again
I sit there and sweat out my fear and agony
A slight half smile I see on your face
This beautiful world has given me a precious treasure
Life has let me taste the sweetest thing
Now as I sit in loneliness everyday
The memory weaves a web which tangles me and gives me company
I may never know whether I could see once again a heaven on earth
I may never have the trouble of letting go
The beautiful sunset has been etched in my heart
Nothing in this world can take that away