My Reading List(Part 1)

This is reading list from December 2009...As of now I have completed few books on this list..Few of the books require revisiting,as they are eternal chests of wisdom.

Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
(Could see the humility of Franklin..Reminds me of reading Dalai lama Books..Pure Humility(if there exists such an emotion/belief)

(Joseph Campbell )The power of myth

(St Augustine) Confessions

Walden(Henry David Throeau)

Self Relaince(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

(William James )The Varieties of Religious Experience

(J Krishnamurti )Think On These Things (1964)

The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life - (Julia Cameron)

(Carl Gustav Jung) Memories, Dreams and Interpretations

(Boethius )The Consolation of Philosophy (6th century)

(Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi) Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (1991)

The idea of Justice (By Amartya Sen)

Will continue in the next part....

Making Peace

The last 10 years have been very difficult for me (and my family).My father;s illness(severe complications of diabetes) has traumatised my family making each one of the affected parties more fragile.The first thing which such illness brings to any family is fear.At a very young age, I had to come to terms with painful topics such as blindness,disability and death.Every time the phone rang, I was scared to answer it.So many nights have I spent, researching medical journals for a miracle cure.My mother's worried voice,my brother's brave sacrifice has made my own journey of fear look so infinitesimally small.The psychosomatic pains which throng my body in grief have slowly vanished away.My own experiments of trying to mimic my father's disability has also reduced.Slowly we have accepted nature's way.It seems in the best interest to let go of past grief of broken lives.Some desires may never be fulfilled.Some desires may remain hidden deep within each of us.One of the biggest problems I faced with relating to these major pitfalls of life,was I never could find anyone to relate to,in my own age group.Everyone around me were merrying their new found youth and building away castles of sand on rocky beaches.I was busy searching for answers....
Why bad things happen to good people???That was one of the books I read(one of the hundreds of books I read).It was written by a Jewish Rabbi who had lost his son to a illness.I scoured through every science and philosphical book I could find, searching for answers.I made millions of comparisons with others...and found them far more luckier than me.Slowly as I travelled through the difficult phase...all comparisons stopped.My own self worth shined brightly sometimes and my depressive spells vanished completely.I do go though a "pity party" every now and then,but who can have a constant blazing positive life.I dont know whether the results can be completely tied to meditation or a spiritual yearning.May be I am ignorant of the vicissitudes of life.
But I am thankful for the journey and the wisdom which was obtained along the way...
The Zen way of saying it would be " I appreciate the beauty of the flower and the peace of the still lake"
The flowers exist not in comparison and the lake never allows any of its ripples, to destroy its stillness...

As I write this,I find within myself an emotion. which is like peace or may be acceptance.But I think this feeling, may also mean that the journey was not to find answers but to fully absorb the question itself.I am very appreciative of the human contacts that are important in my life.The many things that we would take for granted,may be the one thing which others will lack.I have come to understand the power of love and also the gift of hope.
In hope we live...In hope do we die...That one day the sun would shine .... life would reveal its mysteries..

What do I have left at the end???

You can strip me of my income and my livelihood,
You can try to make me conform to the others around me,
You can threaten to destroy my life,
You can complain about every negative trait in me,
You can hurt me in a million ways.


I will never give up searching for the truth
I will never throw my principles away...
I will never believe in inequality
Nor will I give up anything which is humane
Its not like I don't know the consequences.....
Stories of Socrates and Galileo have been a part of my education
In their legacy, I wage a battle against conformity,mediocrity and inequality !!!

The new wave of Beliefs

Most of the Indian rituals are based on a outdated code which took thousands of years to evolve and materialize.I don't deny the immense wisdom in some of the practices.Most of them are meant for an agrarian society.The plantain leaves,rice,mango leaves,cow-worship, all have stemmed up by the dependence of our ancestors on agriculture.Even now 70%(not very sure of the recent stats)of the Indian population is living in small agricultural communities.There will be no hue and cry now with regard to the religious practices.Slowly there is a great migration which is happening at the backdrop of our software based economic growth.The shift to cities is leaving out lot of the people in the cold.The rituals or beliefs(Agama) were practices introduced to sustain the societal structure.This model has already broken down in lot of areas.Growing up in a city I never felt at home with the strange rituals of Hindu Society.I channeled all my energy and my identity was formed on the basis of science and philosophy.But there are lot of people who have no interest in Indology/Archeology/Ancient history.To make them understand the importance of the mythological construct should be the main aim of education.Novels like Harry potter have gained wide acclaim because people in the western world and the affluent middle class in the developing countries have used the book it to fill the gaps in their genetic/mythological understanding of their own culture.

Many people here in America are crazy about Star Wars.It is deemed as a religion.The main reason for this inclusion would be that Americans(excluding the native Americans)don't have ancient mythological stories to relate to.
India has Ramayana and Mahabharata which gives definition to the Indian way of life.But the drift towards cities are breaking this cycle.We need new initiation ceremonies which are more ecologically feasible and also give direction to a individual.A adolescent who is confused as to the structure of the society and is restless about his/her place in the hierarchy would resort to violence.The cruel acts against humanity sometimes may be a cry for understanding the past history.

A good reference of the work on Mythology is by Devdutt Patanaik.
I had the pleasure of reading some of his books.(The Book of Ram , Myth= Mithya,7 secrets from hindu calendar art)
The site gives lot of useful material on Hindu Mythology...http://devdutt.com/

Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell are good sources of information on Mythology and how it is important to society.

All about hate

Love is everywhere...In every song I hear...In every movie I watch..
A constant search for love is the ever eternal work of many.
To look at every nook and corner ,to find a pleasant smile shining back on our lonely lives.
The deprived desert cities sing only about rivers,lakes and oceans.
Magical fountains of water flow through the emperor's garden to show his wealth that luck has bestowed upon him.
But I don't know the workings of hate....

How does hate enter into our system?
Where does this dislike expand into cruelty and violence?
Somehow all the tools of logic and reasoning don't seem to work against hate.The germ of hate is planted the moment we hear beliefs which are different than ours.The opposing principles make us into enemies.But I am fine with the hate which brews in our hearts and souls.What I fail to comprehend is how this emotion, gets translated into violent action.After the act of violence is done, is there any way that the perpetuator feels any guilt or pain.I think one of the easiest ways to deal with guilt would be to make a victim of ourselves.This process of victimizing and not taking any responsibility is the only way to commit crimes of the highest order (eg Holocaust )
In my own life I see lot of times when my perception of the person, gives rise to feelings of hate.The only way to reach a higher truth would be to transform this hate into something constructive.
Jealousy can be viewed as a oracle which tells us of things which are missing in our life.
Greed can tell us that we need to live/love unconditionally.It also helps us deal with impermanence.
Sometimes I feel all imperfections are blessings in disguise.Unless we find a way to transform and use them,they will haunt us forever.Hatred can be one of the ways where we can expand our understanding of different views .Our thinking is formed by a closed Circle which is evolved by our own comfort zone.Hate pushes us out of our comfort zone.It teaches us forgiveness...The people we hate can be reformed/may reform to someone we may cherish and this teaches us the importance of evolution of human consciousness.Emotions may never leave us as they are the complex constructs of our mind.But how we react can be easily controlled.I still struggle everyday with automatic triggers of anger and hate.Its as if every cell has a memory of its own and remembers my dislikes.The effort we put today wont give us fruits instantly.The seed is planted and when the monsoon arrives,the glorious sun may shine through.The fight for survival will begin and if I am the chosen one...leaves may spring up...and fruits may ripen...
Till then I wait for transformation to occur where my hate can be turned into love....

Ingmar Bergman

I had to dedicate a post on my blog for the great movies which Ingmar Bergman had directed.Even though I dont understand Swedish language the stories are universal and the questions are eternal.Some of his earlier movies just blew my mind away.Some movies try to give solutions to complex philosphical problems.Ingmar tries to make us understand the questions better.The seventh seal reminds me of my own set of questions which bombard me again and agian.Search for the truth and meaning of existence which the knight asks in the movie is replied only by silence.Even though death comes and defeats him in his play,he tries to save others even during his last chess game.

Art exists to make us understand that mystery and truth are the two sides of the same coin.The pain which goes in trying to expalin what our minds cannot comprehend can be transferred only through art.Beauty is not a creation of style or time,it is the product of mystery.All art forms should lead us closer to oursleves and closer to the reality which exists in us.

Idleness

Being idle is seen as the evil twin of hardwork. But I think idleness is very important in everyday life.Not only it is important in clearing out the mind,it also is one of the most efficient problem solving techniques.One of the career improvement books I have read suggest employees to stare at the (cube's) wall.This may look like absurd advice.But may be if staring at a wall can destroy our crazy pace at which things go ….
Why not try it???
If  we have reached a deadlock in our career or can make no sense of how life is taking us,Idle-ness is the only hope we have.The first sabatical I took was even when I was 17.I was disillusioned by the education system and my desire to be better than others made me contemplate tougher entrance exams.But the idle time helped me understand myself better.The next time I had the opportunity to take a break was after I completed my engineering.This period was another soul searching period where I tried to understand my own inclinations.I have not been lucky to take any more breaks from my career,but I know for sure once I reach a saturation point with my career path,I am going to be idle.
Idleness is the stepping stone to success(A promising Zen Saying)

Neuroscience and Spirituality

This short video (at TED) by the neurologist V.S Ramachandran explains the ancient philosphical models of our Indian Civilization.
What science could answer only now was contemplated thousands of years ago by Eastern philosophy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0pwKzTRG5E

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vilayanur_S._Ramachandran

The Road Already Taken

Sometimes the things we do for the first time are already done by others.Some have experimented with various outcome of the path and suffered.Some quit very early on the path.What stops us from taking the experiences of others and learning from them.The first big hurdle towards that would be ,to lose out on the inventive capacity which we may pour into the action.Secondly it has to do with our ego.Unless we do it,our way,it just does not seem right.I have a million mistakes in my life which I would have avoided,provided I took other experiences into account.Not that I face deep regret at this.I don't repent at the missed chances either.

When I fall, I remember what I did wrong.
When I just blindly listen to others, I don't understand what is it which makes everything right.

Status of Women /Rig Veda

The NEED for equality is not a western import ,but it is fundamental concept of the greatness of Ancient Indian Civilization...
This post shows the high status of women in Vedic Period(Rig Veda Timeline)
The following are the verses..which prove the above mentioned facts..


All the info has been taken from this blog
http://ssubbanna.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/10/rig-veda-position-of-women-2-2.htm
 
EDUCATION

 "A girl also should be brought up and educated with great effort and care" (Mahanirvana Tantra).
The girls were entitled to Upanayana (to receive sacred thread) and to the privilege   of studying Vedas; just as the boys. Women performed religious rites after completing their education under a Guru. They were entitled to offer sacrifices to gods. The son was not absolutely necessary for this purpose.
According to Shrauta and Grihya Sutras, women chanted mantras along with their husbands while performing rituals
 
Marriage

 Rig Veda talks of the seven steps and vows based on mutual respect, taken during marriage

A friend thou shall be, having paced these seven steps with me. Nay, having paced the seven steps, we have become friends. May I retain thy friendship, and never part from thy friendship. Let us unite together: let us propose together. Loving each other and ever radiant in each other’s company, meaning well towards each other, sharing together all enjoyments and pleasures, let us join our thoughts.
(Source: Taittiriya Ekagnikanda, I iii, 14. ; Sastri, 1918.)
 The idea of equality is expressed in the Rig Veda:

"The home has, verily, its foundation in the wife”,” The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." (Rig Veda 5, 61. 8)
Rig veda has no mention of child marriage and Sati(WIDOW burning)

Widow RE-Marraige:

Rik (x.18.8) blesses a woman at her second marriage, with progeny and prosperity in this life time::Go up, O woman, to the world of living; you stand by this one who is deceased; come! to him who grasps your hand, your second spouse (didhisu) ,you have now entered into the relation of wife to husband.
 
In Rig VEDA (X.18.9) the new husband while taking the widow as his wife says to her: let us launch a new life of valor and strength begetting male children overcoming all enemies who may assail us.
 

ATHARA VEDA(XVIII.3.4) blesses the widow to have a happy life with present husband ::O ye inviolable one ! (the widow) tread  the path of wise in front of thee and choose this man (another suitor) as thy husband. Joyfully receive him and may the two of you mount the world of happiness

To name a few of those  significant women rishis/SCHOLARS/AUTHORS OF RIG VEDA   who figure in the Rig Veda Samhitā:  Goshā Kakshivati, Lopamudra, Romasha,Sarama Devasuni , Yami Vaivasvathi , Rathir Bharadwaja  , Apala, Paulomi and others. Needlessto say they were held in high esteem  for their work to be included in the important religious text of the era. 
According to the author all the defilements in the Indian culture after the glorious vedic period was as a response to invasions from various other countries like Greece..(Alexander),Persia..Our civilization went into dark ages and so our society slowly degraded and we can see the effects even now..

Collective Guilt

The guilt trap exists at every moment of our lives.Other than this common variety of personal infliction there is also a greater societal victimization and guilt.This occurs at a collective level where the environment seems to influence us.We are programmed to believe these concepts when we were young.We carry it into our adulthood and slowly it starts playing havoc in our lives.

Being a Indian woman,,,I do carry the burden of proving myself in a male dominated world. I do feel that I do need to measure to colonial standards of life.Even though Britishers are long gone,we still live in the culture where everything imported is termed as better than our simple indigenous life.Only after I moved out of India, I could get to the bottom of these belief systems.Everyone of us carry the burden of nationality,race and gender.I call it as a burden because our minds always get polluted by some propaganda .We may be for it /or against it (in terms of the propaganda)

Everyone has a say in how our society shapes up.So the propaganda plan is great.But it fails most of the time as they aim for the ideal case which cannot be even achieved by a "Utopian" society.There is a constant guilt which creeps up in our minds when we don't reach the ideal state as told by the activists.We feel we are not doing enough.We feel we are cheating ourselves and the whole world by not measuring up to the ideal.But as history would point out,every generation had its own regrets.There will be void in each of us which cannot be filled by any societal achievement.No one else can fill that void for us.The guilt will be ever present and the sooner we accept our guilt and learn to deal with it,the better we would be.

Self Control (Speech)

Lot of the functions in our body are on auto pilot and we don’t even realize it.Most of our bodily functions like digestion and regulating body temperature happen on their own.We don’t have to instruct the body to do so.It is like a well oiled machine reacting to different stresses of life.Discipline can be related strongly to controlling the senses.But trying to voluntarily control our senses seem as a tough task.But they have lot of benefits.Gandhi had used lot of these techniques to achieve his goal of trying to find the truth.Other than spiritual benefits there are other potential gains from controlling the senses.

Controlling our speech has enormous positive results in our lives.
Think before you talk – I wish I could follow that in my life.I blurt out “yes” when I want to say “no”.I say things which I regret
laterAlso, there are issues of  being “too nice” which makes us say things which we don’t mean.When our self worth is dependent on others, we try to please others in many ways.Helping and pleasing are two totally different aspects of charity.Help does not give rise to greed, pride and guilt.Pleasing others gives rise to pride when our ego gets a boost.Also there is enormous guilt of not living up to our standards we set.Once others know that we are working so hard to gain acceptance from them,they start making unreal demands.We wont have the courage to say “no”.Instead we slip into more guilt and they get what they want.

Some ways which I think will help me deal with such situations :

1. Being more assertive about my wants.

2.  To say the truth under most circumstances no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel.

3.  To talk only when necessary and avoid doing small talk which involves gossip/rumors.The rule is to solve problems not create new ones.Trying not to “bitch” about othes unnecessarily but to  talk about others so that new lessons can be learnt from the mistakes they made.

4.  Before I blame others, I look at myself to see if I have made the same mistakes in the past.This exercise actually reduces the amount of anger and hate I develop for the person.

5.  To confront the person and let them know off their behavior in a non threatening way and find positive ways to heal myself.

6.  If the above options don’t work,then the last option would be to be silent and let it pass.Or schedule a time to discuss the issues later.

The Skill Set

Thanissaro Bhikku in his discourses writes about how we can strengthen our meditation by becoming skillful in other aspects of our life.According to him if we had excellent skills in other fields,we can pull that perfection into our meditation practice.I do know that cultivating patience,tolerance,kindness and good will towards other begins does rub on our meditation practice.Meditation is done with the help of the mind.So the same mind is used when we perform other actions too.If our mind is skilled when it does everyday actions then I am sure it reflects on the meditation too.Osho once in his discourse wrote about how some monks every month donate one object in their room.They try to renounce and try to live by with few possessions.Thansirro Bhikku and Osho hit the same point ...when they say that the outside environment can reflect back into ourselves.May be cleaning the room may help get rid of the clutter in our minds

The Shape of Suffering

Suffering is one of the most common ingredients of our desire.Even-though suffering can never be avoided in our lives,we can learn to use suffering to our benefit.The causes of suffering are mostly geared towards our need for permanence.Religious doctrine does mention the causes of suffering and sometimes gives few quick fixes.But only we ourselves through constant contemplation can find out the reasons for our suffering.To develop the required skill set to deal with suffering requires lots of patience.Trial and error process works perfectly.We can try a path ,then give it up..if it does not reduce suffering.The most important thing that I am working on is to reduce the suffering I induce on others(knowingly or unknowingly)

There are lot of books which say that when we heal the world,we heal ourselves.Many of my desires which cause suffering can be divided into two categories...
1.Primitive

2.Induced


Primitive desires are wired inside me.I cannot change them in my lifetime.I can try to reduce the extent how much they alter my outlook.Induced desires are the main culprits.The desires which were induced by society or my surroundings are not long lasting.What I desperately wanted in the past year...I detest the sight of it now.The desire gripped me,then left me.I feel prioritizing the desires would do the trick in most cases.But delaying the gratification may be the solution.

Thanissro Bhikku talks about the skills which are required to remove suffering.He says that the mind is unable to see beyond the instant gratification.The long term effects can never be seen by the mind.That is also the psychology of addicts.

Overload of Information

Lots of information enters into our mind through our sense - doors (eyes,ears).There is lot of information which is generated through our thoughts.Its not possible for us to cut away our eyes, nose and ears.Without Maya there may be no spiritual enlightenment.But this information overload makes me crazy sometimes.I performed some experiments using myself as a guinea pig :(

My conclusions are:
The enviornment always moulds us slowly.Sometimes our minds are weak and get threatened by the surrounding.Sometimes we cave in.But for the most part we can avoid the unwholesome environments.We can stay away from people who spread their negativity.If we are strong enough to fight the battle,then we can survive,if not we need rest and contemplation.With our own spiritual integrity we can reach a stage where we can take the bad experience coming in and churn out goodness.We can choose the better part in any duality.But we need to ripen to that stage.Personally I fight everyday with my fits of anger,laziness,pride and ignorance.There is a part of me which accepts my clay feet.Buddhist Meditation talks about vows which strengthen our ability to become wiser.Few vows add to our development.They help us from staying away from trouble and also make us more disciplined.

Note: This blog only caters to the topic of spirituality.My opinions may be biased and I try to write the gist of the whole experience.Most of the time I don't add any of the failures I have had on the way.Many blog readers think that I would have all the ideals (100%) as I write.These are the ideals I want to achieve and as always being a human,it is a work in progress.There are lot of fatal mistakes that I have made that I am not proud of.But the blog focuses on sharing the spiritual enquiry which can of be some gain to others.

Trying to define Culture

Ug Krishnamurti talks about how the Culture has to go exit from our lives.According to him all knowledge is interpreted on our own level.If we have crossed the seas of ignorance every action will contain wisdom in it.If we are still at the nascent stage of illusory dominance then we look at everything from that perspective.I understood culture as something which we vaguely define by ancient monuments,old tunes of classical music and conservative fashion( which is a death to self expression).But as my knowledge in anthropology and history increases I begin to understand the present better.History is the guiding light to the present moment.But culture is also not a narrow set of rituals which when not followed will lead us directly to hell.So this whole charade of trying to protect our ancient heritage by the way we dress or talk is absurd.Every human being is unique and has a desire to express their uniqueness.Some people go the other way and shock the conservatives by expressing themselves in a weird/obscene way.
But this expression is a search for respect and value.Any ritual which aims to provide spiritual peace ultimately should not be contaminated by our own doses of ignorance or fear.

Then why are these rituals which bound us and not allow us to grow as human beings still around.History can provide us with an answer.In ancient India Buddhism gained a upper hand and was the major religion for many centuries(I don't know the exact timeline)This change from Hinduism to Buddhism happened because our main stream Hindu culture had become contaminated by weird rituals and human sacrifice.The remnants of these can be still found.Sati,child marriage,ill treatment of widows,sacrifice of animals(horse sacrifice etc) were so common.They were practiced till the late 1950's.Then Sankaracharya arrived on the scene and tried to remove the evil rituals and succeeded to an extent.Hinduism began its attempt to rise to glory.But Sankaracharya actions were made as rituals themselves,which is a ironical twist to his existence.If he was alive now,he would be disappointed by how people have formed his philosophy into a cult.Vivekananda failed to built a ashram which had no idols.Every time when an ashram was built the monks found a way to keep idols and pray.His dream of having a empty room to pray was never achieved.His idols are being used as gods themselves.Buddha had to face the same fate.His teachings of questioning everything and reaching nirvana went no where.After his death he was made into a "Super God."
May be our brains are wired to imitate and find easier routes to higher consciousness.Our minds are constantly telling us that,by exactly doing what others do we can reach the goal.The quote of J Krishnamurti can help us here.He says "Truth is a pathless land ."

The new definition of culture, I feel as spiritual aspirant I should learn is that there is nothing like a fixed way to the goal.May be some traditions and rituals may grant us some peace and serenity.But without our sharp logic and reasoning blade we cannot proceed.Many of them are contaminated by the use of male dominance.Some of them urge us to use our wealth to reach divinity.
Every being is capable of attaining the highest limits.Culture which makes me weak,which somehow gives me a ego boost,which helps me bully others...will be discarded.Ug Krishnamurti meant that this kind of culture which expresses itself in various negative ways should be discarded.He also showed a higher level where we can throw away the whole plate of religion,spirituality and also other theories.I have not reached that level.I don't know whether I would be able to hold myself on my own.

Perfection

I have always aimed for perfection.It is a hard place to reach as the common definitions which are thrown around leave no room for failures.I had a rather skewed idea of how things had to be done.To me either I should become the best OR I should never try it (in the first place).That made me miss out on lot of other opportunities in my life. Only after I joined the workplace after my masters ,I started realizing the importance of “Learning curves”

There is a theory which suggests that any vocation if taken up for 10,000 hours leads to greatness.But we need the passion and creativity to start in the first place.Then when we put hours of practice into it we achieve the desired results.Each of our lives are unique and we need skills to tackle the obstacles which often come up.So trying to imitate others leads to disaster.Also we need role models who can suit our goals.We are wired to think only about rewards and success as the world appreciates only when we win.Rote learning and never acknowledging our failures also becomes a habit.That's one of the greatest differences I see between the Indian educational system and Western educational system.Many of my colleagues who had western education would boldly tell the instances they failed to deliver the results.They will be the first to announce that they "Don't Know".They see education as a process of trial and error.No wonder the western world has produced great innovators who continue to inspire and motivate others.

Perfection is a ideal which we can never reach.It is a obsession to be the best.Like Alexander we may conquer many goals but at the end,we may not have time to enjoy it.Whenever I get into this mode of trying to out perform, I think about the real important things in life.A win gives our ego a high ecstatic feeling,but like all other feelings it is transient.Trying to do the best in the present moment and keeping all our ego ambitions on our back burner will be the ideal solution.But to put this principle in practice is very difficult.My mind gets preoccupied with future and gets charged up trying to make plans to reach perfection.One of the ways which helped me immensely was to look at the bigger picture.When my mind gets obsessed with any goal...like admission into a PhD program for a Ivy league university....I remind myself how billions of people are without education.The better approach for dealing with the problem would include me being thankful for the opportunity I was given to further my education.

Reference :
How to escape perfectionism?
By Peter Bergman

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3845

The Rhythm of my footsteps

I can hear the loud music playing
I cant bear the sound of screaming people
In search of silence I have started this walk..
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps..
The birds are chirping so loudly
Insects are buzzing as the sun sets
Cars go by making a loud noise
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps...
My phone rings...
A song makes a appearance ... my mind starts humming
I will try to listen to the sound of my footsteps..
In vain I try to listen to some crazy desire
In vain I make all things swing my way
I give up not wanting to change anything
Suddenly I can "Listen to the sound of my footsteps"

Negative Emotions

The stink of stale food warns us that it may be poisonous.Eye catching colors in the nature contain poison which may harm us.Nature has lot of effective tools to warn us about impending danger.Everyone has negative emotions which are not distributed equally.A child is not born with a genetic defect of causing harm.Environment governs it to a large extent.Development of an individual occurs in mysterious ways.There are few psychologists who think that there is a hormonal imbalance makes a innocent person into psychopathic killer.
What role do negative emotions play in our evolution?
A violent scene witnessed by a child can make the kid into a violent person or turn him/her to protect the disadvantaged.

Negative emotions serve two goals.Firstly they portray the damage that can be caused by our uncontrollable behavior.They provide a simulation.As humans when we put ourselves in that spot we learn a lot about suffering.Secondly negative emotions when shown by others become an alert signal for us to escape.If a part of the body has been diseased we have to amputate.But that does not happen.Both these cases are not so commonly followed by people.Animals blindly follow natures cues.They don't question.They are obedient servants.Humans are blessed with a calculative and logical mind.Our preferences/ attachments and our desire to mould every situation to our own benefit puts us on the wrong side.We miss the path of growing and evolving into a strong independent person because we are so convinced that things will always go our way.

Meditation ramblings

When you are meditating lot of questions start arising.Not that they were not there before.Its likes having a endless conversation with a person who never gets tired.Lately I have come to realize that most of my meditation sessions are problem solving sessions.Its like having a one hour meeting where present problems are spoken out.The past traumas and fears take control once I am done with the present moment.Then there is the desires of having a glorious future.Underneath all these is the intention of finding the truth.

The solution does not lie in running away or sacrificing everything.The mind will create fantasies from emptiness and peace Sometimes I feel that unless we understand the problems,we can never meditate and achieve inner clarity.The root of our problems may be the same.A situation when analysed from all angles may give us enough knowledge to overcome lot of the mental barriers.Sometimes I go through phases where I cannot meditate for weeks.
"I can force myself to meditate".
That would be a possible solution... but repressing the mental defilement's can cause them to explode with greater force.Meditation should only be used for developing the inner know-how of our mind.Unless we take a leap and put efforts to grow,the practice will never reap any benefits.The practice itself moves like a sine wave.The highs of mental bliss and the lows of confusion have to be accepted without any complaints