Post Traumatic Stress

When the moments pass we think the trouble is over.Our mind can keep most of our stressful reactions ingrained in our subconscious.It is like a small part of our mind gets moulded to give the same reaction again and again under stressful conditions.We can change the way we react to situations and evolve a new circuitry for our impluses.This requires awareness.It also requires confrontation of the fear deep inside of us.We have to slide to the roots of the fear and shatter it.One of the methods used is flooding.To go back to the painful situation and turn yourself from a victim to the one in control.It is quite painful to go back ..to miserable memories which torment us.But it is possible to change perceptions and it is also possible for us to heal.
“Be like the headland against which the waves break and break: it
stands firm, until presently the watery tumult around it subsides once
more to rest. ‘How unlucky I am, that this should have happened to
me!’ By no means; say, rather, ‘How lucky I am that this has left me
with no bitterness; unshaken by the present, and undismayed by the
future.’”
Marcus Aurelius

Not lonely anymore...

Empty lanes dont remind me of the past walks
Endless journeys into my heart dont remind me of the past
Rooms filled with memories dont haunt me
I am not lonely..I am cured
Memories have become friends
Dreams knock my door every night
I am not lonely anymore..
No soul torments my inner peace
Its only me everywhere
The endless music plays in my ears
My life sways to the dance of existence
I have learnt to focus on the moment
The beautiful wind doesnt fire up the jealousy
in my heart
The empty skies filled with blue
Deepens the happiness of living
If loneliness is a disease ..I am cured..
No desire creeps in me
A part of me which is already dead had disappeared
I am not lonely anymore
The stars tell me unending stories
The dark black above my head fills me with peace
Constellations have become gifts from the past
I dont need this unending pain
Its high time I let the tides leave
The moon with its brightness leave me puzzled
I am not lonely anymore...
I am not lonely anymore.....

Abstractness of God

As various colours fade into each other ..the lines get blurred even more.There is no start nor end to this process.Everything exists for a moment's glance.I was thinking about abstract painting and I felt the idea of God in my head.I dont question day and night about who governs this orderly chaos.A quiet appreciation for the illusion and faith in nature's laws are taking shape ..deep within my heart.I feel lost in the momentary satisfaction of the illusion.Some times when misery strikes I feel as if I am stuck in a bubble which may burst only when death arrives.
I react to every emotion which resides in my head.It is me who is pouring these colours into the universe.It is my consciousness which is blurring the lines.It is me who exists.I close my eyes I swing between momentary death and life.

Worthiness

What defines your worth as a human?
Most of the times I get carried away by the material fads of measuring worthiness.If there is a obstacle to measure the materialistic worthiness then the second criteria becomes physical beauty.The third measure comes from your personality.These measures are commonly used in our everyday lives.It was only when I was exposed to the backlashes of my bad judgment did I realize that there is only one and only one measure for a human.The measure is character.A piece of diamond shinning in the coal can be sifted through the rubble very easily.It is very hard to judge a person's character.If only we are true to ourselves only then we can see the irregularities in the other soul.It is way too easy to contaminate our life .What we are going to be is decided by the people we surround ourselves with.It takes lot of determination to say no to foolish concepts of present pleasure.Long term happiness is got only when we invest our time and energy to mould a beautiful heart worthy of experiencing the greatness of life.

Time

This is one of life's greatest mysteries.As the sands of time slip through your very fingers you wonder "What is life all about?".

Managing time is one of the most difficult things to do.Past few days I have observed that in my life there is a general disorder and I am not having time even to breathe.The burn out which occurs in everyone's life is a red alert for danger.Not being able to do things which produces lasting happiness is a human's biggest failure.Time cannot be managed by keeping a list of activities which we want to do.Like a dictator we can never always run a tight schedule.The only way time can be managed properly will be when our prorities are laid out straight.When our inner compass has a strong inclination of making us enlightened beings ..it would naturally control the negative desires which eat away our present time .To reach this stage we must consciously accept our own faults and learn to appreciate ourselves and give a chance for further growth.To reach a stage of constant growth is to be at the middle stage.At one end there are people who have their lives planned out and if there is any misalingment there is huge distress.At the other end there are people who live a aimless life and let life carry them -these are the people who dont have strong inner principles to guide them.
The middle way is always the best way sometimes.We have to have strong inner conviction ,values and also we should start enjoying sailing as life carries us around.

The hardest part

The hardest part was letting go and not taking part
its the hardest part
And the strangest thing was waiting for the bell to ring..
it was the strangest thing..
And the silver lining in the cloud
I wish that I could work it out
The hardest part was that you broke my heart
I try to sing and I couldn’t sing
could'nt do anything
It was the hardest part
And the silver lining in the cloud
Oh and I …Oh and I
And I wonder what its all about..
I wonder what its all about..
Everything I do is wrong
Everything I do comes undone
Everything is hard …hard ..hard
It’s the hardest part
ya ..thats the hardest part…

it is the lyrics of the song the hardest part by the band coldplay..

The unique puzzle.

When the cold winds leave red scars on your face
when the scorching heat leaves you burnt
When the rains flood your life
The ever prevailing pain never dies
I sit under the banyan tree ...I close my eyes
The darkness swings me in so many directions
My hunger has left me half dead
I close my eyes..I fall in love with darkness
I have a longing for a drop of water
The darkness provides me comfort
I wait for time to pass through
The dimensions of my own self has vanished
My own entity has disappeared
The cold winds become my shelter from scars
The sun with his brightness brings hope
The rains purify my very soul
the ant which gets crushed under my feet
Sends signals of pain right through my heart
The lonely bird with no food
brings in pain in my body
The lonely dejected souls become a part of my extended body
I dont know why the darkness has bought this illusion
I worried for my misery ..It showed me darkenss
I drowned in it
Now everyone's pain is mine ..I revel in their joy
I have become one..
The ego has died
I accept ..i continue..
I sit under the banyan tree ..I close my eyes!!!

Motivation

What is the one thing which drives you to achieve what you want?

Money,Fame,Love,Pain,Pleasure...

Constantly we see our own negative points and wish only if we could change ???Effort does not lead to any positive result.The biggest motivator is pain.Not pleasure,money,fame or any other kind of self satisfying desire.We need to want it so badly that it troubles you to the extent that you change yourself.I have been struggling with so many new changes in my life and they would have never materialized if there was no pain.If there was misery in my life I have driven myself to see peace and embrace it.The guilt and the shame of my own emotional being has motivated me to do something.The working of motivation always works from inside out.The inner being should have a marked change in perspective and a shift in consciousness or else the change will be momentarily marked change is to change the inner most ingrained behavior and attitude.
Consistency and positive affirmation goes a long way in what we become.Every single time we make a wrong choice which goes against our best interests there is a small part of you which burns itself to death.When we violate and cause harm to ourselves we are giving rise to self hate.This shows in various ways in our life in the way we address our hopes ,desires and puts deep wrinkles in our forehead as we grow old.
But we dont know the true from the false by just reading bunch of books or by looking at others life..the soul has to go through the journey then we realize the potential we have in ourselves to achieve greatness and reach the plane when everything we do is like a ripple ...it starts from you ...doing good ..and then spreads itself in all directions to help humanity...the nature and on whole the vast world..All great people have achieved it through the tools of honesty,belief,ability to bear failure and constant struggle to hold truth in their hearts...

A little inspection

Human beings
They get bored with childhood. They rush to grow up and then long to be children again.
They lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
By thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,
such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
They should learn:
- that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
- that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
- that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

Godot

Unburdening the load...

You look for calmer pathways in life which is stable and monotonous...You look for ways to reduce strain..to reduce the bumps on the road..The main goals becomes stability and problem solving ..Any problem which crops up.. I used to get anxious and think of the devastating result it produces.This mindset is not in synchronicity with nature..The chaos and confusion which exists in our life have a oppurtunity of growth hidden in them..Everything in the world is a well ordered system ..Many of the philisophical books talk about the path of least resistance and the path of uncertainity..
The path of last resistance was used successfully by Gandhi.He used the path of non violence which is a humane method to achieve freedom.Least resistance means that we act with nature,with our own destiny to make our lives..We dont act of our ego..we dont have ego trips which makes life difficult ..We let go of the possessions ..we wait for it to come to us...Least resistance principle is a method in which we use our wisdom to make changes in life and sometimes we just life go by without forcing change on it.

We look for secure job,a spouse who is with us for a life time,we look for gadgets which last a life time ..we want everything to last forver..We want,desire and aim at permanence..But the world does not work on certainity..it works on uncertainity..The natural destructions which occurs for seconds changes the lives of millions of people..This is not the cruel side of divine power ..But it is renewal..As Rabindranath Tagore puts it ..

The vessel empties and is filled again ..the melodious music from the flute is played..

As humans we need to thrive on uncertainity..This does not mean having a aimless life or a life without proper ambition..But it means to open to the possibilities of life..To plan every single day and minute what you will do is foolishness.We need to have clear goals and principles.But once you decided what you want..you leave it to nature and start enjoying the rocky/smooth ride..You enjoy the journey and be detached to the results..Uncertainity and confusion is a gift ...it helps you grow as a more humble spiritual being..Sometimes the worst situations happen for your own good..When you see the bigger picture at the end..you would thank your destiny for all the diasters..

Rejection...

What is that you offer when someone has everything.The broken hearted souls speak to the stone hearted people who have cast them away.Living apart from civilization is difficult ...Isolation deprives you of the common everyday joys.From when we are young ... as we go into old age ..all of us would be rejected or discarded from our jobs,friends ,lovers,family and so on..This rejection may be due to some misunderstandings,fights or plain cruelity against us.The first time when we are not allowed to play in the popular groups..as kids..it pricks us the hardest..If we are given correct advice and helped to cope with such conditions we turn out to be a unscrewed human..But if you are one of those unlucky kids around..to go through the pain alone then the bad internal dialogue which is formed then.. actually repeats and continues to our adulthood.These rejections turn into anxiety,panic attacks,jealousy,eating disorders..and so on..It takes a hard look at our internal dialogue to make out what we feed our internal self... Once you know that you are being effected with low self esteem,self hate and destruction..the next things is to discard it out of your mind..There is no magic pill which can make you forget the insults and the tremendous amount of hurt you have been through all the years.The easier way is to unlearn the habits.One of the best ways of treating yourself is to take responsibility for your own emotions.Be a light into yourself.Be your own best freind.Be your own psychologist.Write all your fears into a journal ..bury your anger in the pages..let all of your misery sink into the white space and come out as words..Give life to all your hidden emotions..It would take some months..sometimes years but once you start ..there is no looking back.You have to learn to embrace rejection as a part of our existence..

When less is more

I have sometimes lived in the constant fear of losing the rat race. Everything I have strived to gain has sometimes slipped into the constant fear of scarcity. As the universe expands and everything in it expands into new horizons...the amazing complex professional world contracts. The opportunities seem to diminish. I am in state of constant scarcity and I feel insecure. I always lack the right knowledge. The technology has left me far behind. My pay is less ,my demands are more. The clothes even though numbering a fair amount looks less. My face demands attention. I have bought everything which can make my skin glow. Still there is something which steals the inner smoothness..The racks with all the stuff makes me feel poor...The masters degree makes me insecure..The wisdom of life still eludes me. Confusion ranges in various degrees ..I go through a fit of anger and start throwing away which has kept my real self hidden...The real me exists ..it is buried under layers of branded clothes...The cosmetics have fogged my vision..The real me exists ...The gleaming cards dont have that much worth..The necessity exists...The real me needs a way through distractions...it wants me to look ...to look carefully...to listen carefully...a quiet whisper...which passes through ...a silence which exists ...

Blocking the unpleasant

Sometimes I feel our mind creates so many problems which haunt us for the rest of our life.The emotions ,expressions which surround us everyday pose us so many questions.As a kid I used to watch people getting hypnotised by magicians.I used to get scared that these people can control us and make us work like programmed dummies.But I feel we go through emotional hypnotism a lot of times in our lives.A stranger who is rude to us in the morning controls our moods for such a long time.This hypnotism is not something which others inflict on us ..but its the contol we give to others.This emotional hijacking of sorts takes place a lot of times in our lives.From the time we are born our parents and teachers try to influence their thought process on us.We are constanly challenged when we are young to behave properly and not hurt our loved ones feelings.But the know how of the world gives the adult the necessary knowledge to decide why ,when and whom we give the power strings of our emotions.A wrong pull may slide us into a place which would make us do things which sometimes compromise our very fabric of morality.I have personally been through a lot of situations in which I had been controlled with the help of "strong emotional black mail".Sometimes when we are infactuated by a idea or a person we think we make the mistake of letting go of the responsibility of our own emotions.This discussion actually comes down to our insecurities and basic impulses.If you are a dependent person then it would be very hard for you to take a decision which goes against a loved one.The constant thrill or initial enthusiasm wanes away and we are left with our raw self.The floating mind hits the ground.But I have a strange intutive feeling which tells me that people who love you and respect you will always support you ,even if you make decisions which may go against their view of the world.The only thing is to surround yourself with people who give love unconditionally without any conditions.Such love when shared between family,freinds or lovers is the highest form of devotion and it helps you grow as a divine being.

Mind and Body Link...

I have never quite paid attention to the quiet impulses of my body.My mind goes through various highs and lows ,my body reacts to the various changes .I have never thought about the mind and body being connected.Our repressed attitudes and guilt come out in various ways and show themselves how much ever we try to hide.One way to correct this is personality development .But the drawback to this is if we dont do the inner work the discomfort which a particular emotion was causing us will
transform into a different disorder and torture us.
These psychosoamtic pains have no relief from painkillers.

Personally I have experienced lot of my emotions having an adverse effect on my health.The self denial has appeared in various forms.My own worry cycles and depressive phases have defined my body image.I gain more weight when I am sad.I stay ill for weeks sometimes when confrontations in life become difficult.The anxiety attacks have made me frozen ...
Awareness of who we are gives us a choice .I try to make healthy choices and dont let emotions run my life.I constructively decide and let food be a noursiher for my body and not attach any emotion to it.I somehow get this feeling sometimes that our body is not against us ...it has a capacity to regenerate and help us deal with all our setbacks...only if we knew..only if we were listening...

Blank canvas

The whiteness drowns me in a blinding light
the colours have dried up
The shades have stopped mesmerising me
My mind wavering and restless like wind
destroys every idea ...
The sunrises and sets without informing me
I fail to capture the hues..
The artist in me has shrunken
It starves for pain
The anger and frustration scares the hands
The canvas is blank
the colours are dried up
The brushes are worn out...
I wait for moment when the time is favourable
I let dreams carry me
I hope to reach the pinnacle
I hope to express through a medium
I wish..I hope..I wait
I lay quiet ..
I let silence speak...

Temple of Love

This post is about the experience of cancer patient and what the near/dear ones undergo in the process...I have written this in a fictional way...but the inspiration is my uncle who served my aunt through her lasting illness...I would also hope that my cousin also find healing and peace...


There was a surge of infatuation which fogged my eyes.I could not see anything ..I felt as if I was sailing in the waves of my created dream.It was when the news knocked me so hard where I could feel my own heart bleed.Love is not a fleeting minute of affection which effects our whole life.I feel love is selfless way to progress to find the truth.To step out of the ever deceptive world which builds this elongated matrix of wants and desires.I can see her veins go blue as she lays on the bed.I can feel the pain which she bravely fights hit me hardly everywhere..I see how life can be unfair and cruel...I curse god!!I take a oath to fight time and death..I tell her to have hope..I give her doses of courage ..She is growing weak..The options are reducing..The clock is ticking..I can feel that your hand is slipping from mine..I dont want you to suffer..I want you to live for ever..I hope others never have to grow through this..This unjust world and cruel life has given me so much pain which I feel I dont have the strength to bear..I want this ever lasting anxiety to end..I want peace...I want you to live in peace..I want to build a monument of love ...My service personifies my feeling in my soul..
A part of you has left this physical world but the memory keeps you alive...I can see your ghostly figure everywhere I go..I feel you ever so close..Your voice echoes everywhere..I want you to stay..I want you to prove love lasts forver...

Temple of Love

This post is about the experience of cancer patient and what the near/dear ones undergo in the process...I have written this in a fictional way...but the inspiration is my uncle who served my aunt through her lasting illness...I would also hope that my cousin also find healing and peace...


There was a surge of infatuation which fogged my eyes.I could not see anything ..I felt as if I was sailing in the waves of my created dream.It was when the news knocked me so hard where I could feel my own heart bleed.Love is not a fleeting minute of affection which effects our whole life.I feel love is selfless way to progress to find the truth.To step out of the ever deceptive world which builds this elongated matrix of wants and desires.I can see her veins go blue as she lays on the bed.I can feel the pain which she bravely fights hit me hardly everywhere..I see how life can be unfair and cruel...I curse god!!I take a oath to fight time and death..I tell her to have hope..I give her doses of courage ..She is growing weak..The options are reducing..The clock is ticking..I can feel that your hand is slipping from mine..I dont want you to suffer..I want you to live for ever..I hope others never have to grow through this..This unjust world and cruel life has given me so much pain which I feel I dont have the strength to bear..I want this ever lasting anxiety to end..I want peace...I want you to live in peace..I want to build a monument of love ...My service personifies my feeling in my soul..
A part of you has left this physical world but the memory keeps you alive...I can see your ghostly figure everywhere I go..I feel you ever so close..Your voice echoes everywhere..I want you to stay..I want you to prove love lasts forver...

A handful of trust

Trust is so important in our lives..So many times we just sail through life without even questioning whether the people who surround us would support us in time of need.Humans by nature are dependent species.The dependency level should not be so high that you become a parasite.But normal dependency levels are crucial for our everyday existence.When we have the taste of someone taking advantage of our bad swings in life ,the over all trust we have on humanity decreases.This downward spiral continues for sometime until we reach a stage where someone else builds up trust.Then again a bad situation makes us trust-less..These circles of trust and trust-lessness continues for a long time.I have always thought what is the solution for the problem...
Do we become spies and start suspecting everyone?
Do we prepare ourselves for the worst circumstances ..so that the damage is less..
I personally believe that what you give comes back in return...
Having a common set of principles to guide our lives irrespective of whom we interact gives us a guilt free approach of handling the dangerous situations.
It would never happen that we wont get cheated by someone or the other.Each one of us have to go through that phase in life.But the reactive outlook can change and enpower you and not make you feel like a fool.

To give love ..to people who give hate
To distribute trust ..to the people who steal our fate
To live like a king/queen ..when your friends steal your wealth
Is not impossible to achieve ...it takes only a little bit time ..
The tides would change and stars would shine
When the good times roll...It overshadows all the insults and crimes...

Soul search...

I stop my breath so that I can hear the utterances of my soul
I lay in the dark so that I can see the hidden light
As I step into the sleepy depths of my body which lies there still
I feel the soul stepping out of me..
Is it when I hug death that it leaves me ..
Or in the night without my knowledge
It plays little tricks on me
The sole thought circles my mind
Whether that soul would get back to me when the ray of
light strikes
I wake up knowing that today my soul is with me
I tremble when it may again leave me
I look at the blue sky my mind racing the clouds
The search of finding the soul still continues
For some time with the distractions of the world
I forget that the soul may leave me
I sit on the bed that night staying awake
So that it does not escape the physical body
All this talk I babble sometimes does not make sense
I take a breath and hear the inner longing
the soul wants to travel with me
It says that this insecurity will die down one day
When at peace I make my mark on this world
I bow down in honor of the holy soul
The fire cant burn it
The wind cant blow it away
It exists and vanishes at the same instant
It shows me a way!!!!

Spinning Wheel

The wheel has always had a significant position among all the symbols which have caused major revolts. The thread spun was also used as a tool for freedom. But lately I have started to feel the gratitude towards the ever spinning wheel. Seasons come and go, leaves fall, the heat burns the skin and the chills create new wounds. But ever going forward not rewinding to the past...it seems so amazing and I marvel at natures creation...Time for me has been a gift. Instead of focusing on trying to squeeze all the things I wanted to ever do. Sometimes I just drown myself in the tides of time. It heals me from within. Whenever a doubt occurs in my mind I stroll by the shores of the ever expanding time and set the problem free. I don’t react. I enjoy the passing moment. I feel as if I am traveling at the speed of light towards end and still I feel the weight of silence in my heart. I never search for solutions. I don’t search for the right person to talk to. I let time to leave me a secret message in a bottle .I let the water take me in so that it shows me new places. I used to close my eyes tightly because I was scared .Now I let time show me the horizons of destiny and as the wheel rotates I as a silent observer get hypnotized by the beauty of life.

Time is the wisest counselor